Last week, After friday night have supper with James in Toa Payoh...
When back home and feel not so good..
Wondering might be food poisoning... But the stomach is ok.
just feel uncertain...
Middle of the night, wake up few time cos cannot sleep well...
Gastric attack !!
Rolling into bed.. up and down... really feel myself "dieded" !!
Wake up and make myself "vomit"...
I tell you... that is the most hard time for myself.
Really feel want her to be with me that moment... miss her so much !
After that... wake up in the morning and when down to Victoria JC for training AFX.
Whole morning really make me sick.. really dont feel myself for the training session.
But finally i can finish the session with my student.
when back to home and accidentally fall sleep in the sofa...
Sleep until myself also dont know what time is it...
Day and night... the moment i wake up.. i just realize myself in late everning.
After two days... Same things happen again.. this two days i just take care myself and dont dare eat lots of oily food. but... stupid gastric attack again!!
Pay a visit to doctor... after take out the medicine...
Same things... Sleep for whole day...
From that moment.. i am realize... Sick is not a problem, but when you sick and you are alone...
Really feel inessential moment for myself. feel so sad....
Just wish her be with me at that moment... but so sad.
She not with me.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Re: Antithesis the times - Year 2006
09/08/2006
Wake up early in the morning... when open my eyes, realize time was pass by so fast...
Another indefinite long period have gone and slip away from me to her…
Sitting alone in the living room, television shows up the boring TV show for entertainment.
No inobtrusive what is showing on television but feel the room is very quiet at this moment.
Mindset still full of memories on this day in 2005…
The moment she walks away… the period she leaves me alone here…
Deep in my heart still wonder… if I have chance, will I going to change everything?
I afraid not…
Decided to write this on my blog to expression my feeling now…
Show the contrast between the time, the moment and the feeling from this day…
Realize that is no just myself or her can make this happen, we need each other to make this happen over the time… they have the chain reaction or factor within our disintegration.
I might induces her and lead this happen to us…
Or her just influences to me and she decided to leave me?
I don’t wish to find out this reason any more…
Pass over this years, a lots of things happen, I am glad I am still standing here with myself and wishful some one who help me a lots over the time…
From deepest of my heart… Thank you very much for every one who helps me until this moment.
Now… is myself how to lead the way until end of my time.
Sitting in front of my notebook to finish this blog... apprehend to see how is my day will go on...
Last memories will not affect my emotion any more... that is for sure...
"just wish the time can heal and need time to recover the spiritual wholeness"
Wake up early in the morning... when open my eyes, realize time was pass by so fast...
Another indefinite long period have gone and slip away from me to her…
Sitting alone in the living room, television shows up the boring TV show for entertainment.
No inobtrusive what is showing on television but feel the room is very quiet at this moment.
Mindset still full of memories on this day in 2005…
The moment she walks away… the period she leaves me alone here…
Deep in my heart still wonder… if I have chance, will I going to change everything?
I afraid not…
Decided to write this on my blog to expression my feeling now…
Show the contrast between the time, the moment and the feeling from this day…
Realize that is no just myself or her can make this happen, we need each other to make this happen over the time… they have the chain reaction or factor within our disintegration.
I might induces her and lead this happen to us…
Or her just influences to me and she decided to leave me?
I don’t wish to find out this reason any more…
Pass over this years, a lots of things happen, I am glad I am still standing here with myself and wishful some one who help me a lots over the time…
From deepest of my heart… Thank you very much for every one who helps me until this moment.
Now… is myself how to lead the way until end of my time.
Sitting in front of my notebook to finish this blog... apprehend to see how is my day will go on...
Last memories will not affect my emotion any more... that is for sure...
"just wish the time can heal and need time to recover the spiritual wholeness"
Re: Antithesis the times - Year 2005
09/08/2005
Wake up in the morning... having an affinity intimacy with her for whole night, feel tired but both of us is happy cos need prepare to have wedding photo session with her in ipoh.
Finally the time is come... but for her she is abit upset about my new hair cut last two days is not so nice for the wedding photo session.
I just ask her... "isn't have a new outlook will be nice? why not don't give it a try?"
She confuse and show up not meaningful expression on her face... she urging...
We have a nice shopping in Ikea for some stuff in our house... some how just received her brother call up and will have a meeting for lunch in Ikea. and the brother say whether she will follow him back to Singapore when he is driving back.
For her, she still have another day holiday and she have a bus ticket leaving KL by tomorrow night.. I ask her...
"if you not happy about my new outlook, why we just wait for another two or three more week for the wedding photo session? we still have lots of time for the wedding photo session since our wedding day is fall on first of Jan next year."
"Since than... you can spend a day more with me for the holiday than you go back to Singapore by tomorrow."
"No need to rush back then.." i ask her to stay with me...
But with her brother keep on asking her follow him and return the bus ticket and get refund.
She start to showing up unhappiness over her face...
She is confuse... she is not happy... i realize over the time.
Finaly with her brother annoy nagging, she decide to go back and ingore my wishes...
"The wedding photo session is hold up... She and me will getting alone for another day even we have time and chance to be together..."
Last, seeing her last moment from the back...
And she is forever after all leaving me alone here.
Wake up in the morning... having an affinity intimacy with her for whole night, feel tired but both of us is happy cos need prepare to have wedding photo session with her in ipoh.
Finally the time is come... but for her she is abit upset about my new hair cut last two days is not so nice for the wedding photo session.
I just ask her... "isn't have a new outlook will be nice? why not don't give it a try?"
She confuse and show up not meaningful expression on her face... she urging...
We have a nice shopping in Ikea for some stuff in our house... some how just received her brother call up and will have a meeting for lunch in Ikea. and the brother say whether she will follow him back to Singapore when he is driving back.
For her, she still have another day holiday and she have a bus ticket leaving KL by tomorrow night.. I ask her...
"if you not happy about my new outlook, why we just wait for another two or three more week for the wedding photo session? we still have lots of time for the wedding photo session since our wedding day is fall on first of Jan next year."
"Since than... you can spend a day more with me for the holiday than you go back to Singapore by tomorrow."
"No need to rush back then.." i ask her to stay with me...
But with her brother keep on asking her follow him and return the bus ticket and get refund.
She start to showing up unhappiness over her face...
She is confuse... she is not happy... i realize over the time.
Finaly with her brother annoy nagging, she decide to go back and ingore my wishes...
"The wedding photo session is hold up... She and me will getting alone for another day even we have time and chance to be together..."
Last, seeing her last moment from the back...
And she is forever after all leaving me alone here.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Re: Sold Team
So Far...
That is no right or wrong with this moment...
Is only left the distinction from yourself and characterized by its own.
Why need to be this?
Isn't about your exaggerated sense of self-importance? or I can say it was your appropriate pride in oneself?
I just leave this for you all to find out the answer by yourself. Or...
Just ask this to yourself...
Seem like you all never care about the soul and passion within the team...
Is very hard for me I can do anything any more over here...
You are young... you have your ego... you have your ambition...
You can do anything you like... no one can stop you.
Try your best to achieve what you deserve by yourself.
I lost my solicitude and grief for this any more.
With the soul and passion.. it only can drive our vision together...
And set our spirit free from the immortal and move on to another...
But now... i just wish myself to be free out of all this...
I don't wish to care any more...
I am not deserve it.
That is no right or wrong with this moment...
Is only left the distinction from yourself and characterized by its own.
Why need to be this?
Isn't about your exaggerated sense of self-importance? or I can say it was your appropriate pride in oneself?
I just leave this for you all to find out the answer by yourself. Or...
Just ask this to yourself...
Seem like you all never care about the soul and passion within the team...
Is very hard for me I can do anything any more over here...
You are young... you have your ego... you have your ambition...
You can do anything you like... no one can stop you.
Try your best to achieve what you deserve by yourself.
I lost my solicitude and grief for this any more.
With the soul and passion.. it only can drive our vision together...
And set our spirit free from the immortal and move on to another...
But now... i just wish myself to be free out of all this...
I don't wish to care any more...
I am not deserve it.
"With your pride and manner, i wish to exchange and rid it when it hurt me...
With your ego and selfish, i wish to sell it to protect my self-esteem...
With your irresponsible and doltish, i wish to burn it when the time is come...
With your malevolent and severe reprimand, I decide to sold the team spirit to devil...
and make the suffer for you but me."
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