long time ago never listen this song...
Today... just out of sudden i heard this song...
我可以很久不和你聯絡
任日子一天天這麼過
讓自己忙碌可以當作藉口
逃避想念你的種種軟弱
我可以學會對你很冷漠
為何學不會將愛沒收
面對你是對我最大的折磨
這些年始終沒有對你說
愛你越久我越被動 祗因你的愛居無定所
是你讓我的心慢慢退縮 退到你看不見的角落
愛你越久我越被動 祗因我的愛不再為你揮霍
是我讓我的心失去自由 卻再也沒有勇氣放縱
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Re: Coffee and Cigarettes
Rain... Keep on falling down lately.
Remind me i had been gone throught those cold and wet season...
From the bottom of my heart.. even throught out the period of time.
I am not a regular smoker... but i do smoke lately.
Maybe the raining session? or maybe something elsa?
I am not a regular coffee drinker... but i had a cup of white coffee everyday.
Why? I have no idea...
I ask myself why now a day i get addicted with coffee and cigarette lately?
I not use to it for last time, not even single sip or a puff.
But lately... just try to release myself for a moment.
For cigarette, maybe just this period of time...
After all i can stop for never smoking again.. this one for sure i know myself.
For coffee, i don't know...
I never try this one before...
I remember i watch an award winner movie before "Coffee and Cigarettes"...
Remind me i had been gone throught those cold and wet season...
From the bottom of my heart.. even throught out the period of time.
I am not a regular smoker... but i do smoke lately.
Maybe the raining session? or maybe something elsa?
I am not a regular coffee drinker... but i had a cup of white coffee everyday.
Why? I have no idea...
I ask myself why now a day i get addicted with coffee and cigarette lately?
I not use to it for last time, not even single sip or a puff.
But lately... just try to release myself for a moment.
For cigarette, maybe just this period of time...
After all i can stop for never smoking again.. this one for sure i know myself.
For coffee, i don't know...
I never try this one before...
I remember i watch an award winner movie before "Coffee and Cigarettes"...
Directed by Jim Jarmusch, 2003.
Whole movie shoot in black and white,
Yet, only seeing people sitting down in the coffee shop,
having a conversation with each other, a cup of coffee and holding a cigarette in another hand.
just a daily life what is happening around in the corner. that's all.
This movie is so artistic...
Don't expect have a big action pack or superb story hidden in the script.
Just have an idea what is going on between person to person on the coffee table throught out the conversation and talking.
This movie, it might be very boring to some body...
But for me... those session might be happen to you someday.
you might even never realize it just happen to you.
It just a normal daily life in and out in your day.
Over the time when i write this blog,
I almost finish a cup of rich and creamy white coffee...
Outside...
Rain still keep on falling down.
Whole movie shoot in black and white,
Yet, only seeing people sitting down in the coffee shop,
having a conversation with each other, a cup of coffee and holding a cigarette in another hand.
just a daily life what is happening around in the corner. that's all.
This movie is so artistic...
Don't expect have a big action pack or superb story hidden in the script.
Just have an idea what is going on between person to person on the coffee table throught out the conversation and talking.
This movie, it might be very boring to some body...
But for me... those session might be happen to you someday.
you might even never realize it just happen to you.
It just a normal daily life in and out in your day.
Over the time when i write this blog,
I almost finish a cup of rich and creamy white coffee...
Outside...
Rain still keep on falling down.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Re: Christmas
聖誕節
我住的城巿從不下雪
記憶卻堆滿冷的感覺
思念的旺季
霓虹掃過喧嘩的街
把快樂趕得好遠
落單的戀人最怕過節
只能獨自慶祝儘量喝醉
我愛過的人
沒有一個留在身邊
寂寞它陪我過夜
Marry Marry Christmas
Lonely Lonely Christmas
想祝福不知該給誰
愛被我們打了死結
Lonely Lonely Christmas
Marry Marry Christmas
寫了卡片能寄給誰
心碎的像街上的紙屑
電話不接 不要被人
發現我整夜都關在房間
狂歡的笑聲 聽來像哀悼的音樂
眼眶的淚 溫熱凍結
望著電視裡的無聊節目
癱在沙發上 變成沒知覺的植物
誰來陪我過這聖誕節...
我住的城巿從不下雪
記憶卻堆滿冷的感覺
思念的旺季
霓虹掃過喧嘩的街
把快樂趕得好遠
落單的戀人最怕過節
只能獨自慶祝儘量喝醉
我愛過的人
沒有一個留在身邊
寂寞它陪我過夜
Marry Marry Christmas
Lonely Lonely Christmas
想祝福不知該給誰
愛被我們打了死結
Lonely Lonely Christmas
Marry Marry Christmas
寫了卡片能寄給誰
心碎的像街上的紙屑
電話不接 不要被人
發現我整夜都關在房間
狂歡的笑聲 聽來像哀悼的音樂
眼眶的淚 溫熱凍結
望著電視裡的無聊節目
癱在沙發上 變成沒知覺的植物
誰來陪我過這聖誕節...
Monday, December 11, 2006
Re: Shadow
When I see "Shadow"... it only reminds me unhappiness, darkness, sorrow and a reflection image.
What is the meaning for you?
Long time ago, I walk from the darkness, behave the sorrow along the time…
Just like you…
Suffer the pain I never had before…
Suffer the loneliness I never face before…
Scare of people… Scare of myself.
Always scare to facing the facts… don’t wish to tell the feeling to the world…
Just wish to put it into the place that deep inside my heart.
Cover with depression, conceal with the broken heart.
Let the pain burn my soul… let the sadness torture my spirit.
Avoid everything and evade anything.
Especially myself.
From the time, only understand and sense the mono tone surround within my world.
The darkness shadow covers the entire life and block out the meaningless of life.
It make me weak… it make me wear out.
It makes me exhausted.
Always carry the “Shadow”… I felt myself so tired. So lonely.
Mind set always recall the moment that cherish between myself and the other.
Just make me more dislike to break off with the memories.
Just make me disagree the fact is true.
Just make me can’t help myself.
I cry… I sorrow…
Some one say, I lost out the real person of myself.
Never see me fall down so hard, not even stand up with my bare feet.
Or, push up and sustain my body balance when I down to earth.
People worry, people pay serious attention…
I am still suffering the pain within my soul.
Time passer by…
Leave only the fact that I need to outward to be with…
Unwillingly to let it be…
Offering resistance to believe…
Same like you…
Lack of the confidence and faith with love…
Absence my trust to life and some one…
Uncertainty on the integrity of belief to everyone else...
Just wish that is the end of my time…
Down to six feet under… bury myself forever.
But, do you understand how does it feel when some one is care about you?
I only selfish to apply the pain to some one who loves me…
Just like using a knife stab into the heart, torn up the soul from the body…
Penetrate the mortal and let it bleed to dead…
Make other people soul cry in helpless.
Just like you at this moment…
When I knew, the shadow still attached within your soul.
Covering your heart and recall all your sadness memories…
Let yourself hard to leave it alone…
Even the truth is acceptable with you mind.
Do you know how I feel?
I understand myself if never pull out from the darkness… I will be forever trap inside the evil soul…
I don’t wish to see myself like that… even bare in front your eyes…
I don’t wish to see you cry… cry for my soul.
I try so hard to let myself free…
Free from the darkness… leave the sorrow away and leave it to the shadow.
Let the shadow carry away… carry away all my misery and pain.
I wish to walk away from the darkness, waiting the new light shine upon myself…
If anything happen, will only let it be wait over here…
In the room of my heart, wait for me like a stone…
I try so hard to do that…
Just wish the room forever close deep inside my soul.
Never will be review or expose any more.
The door will shut, shut with the key from my heart.
Seal up the room and never let the light reach over here forever.
Let the darkness band with the shadow.
Let the shadow melt into the darkness.
Depart the shadow forever…
Visible in my outward appearance…
Only let your love warmth beneath my heart.
Let the time be my counterpart and heal my scar.
I know is hard to move past… but once I be through to the moment.
I set my soul free.
I believe it…
With your shadow, I hope you can submerge the pass into the room that I mention before, seal the shadow within the room…
Let the darkness band with your shadow… let the shadow melt into darkness.
Only you can help yourself within your heart… I only can wait for you at the surface and help you out from there.
Once you are out from the past, I can let my light shine upon you.
Not using my light to cast the shadow behind of you.
I am not the substitute of the shadow… I am not the alternate of the darkness.
I am jealous…
When you set the appearance in a similar for standing with me to your shadow…
I am reluctant that you are commemorating the past of it…
I am be discordant what you think of me and confront myself with it…
I am strongly guard and scramble when you compensate me…
But I only silent myself and let you feel I am not like that…
Just wish you to feel I am there for you…
No matter how, No matter when, No matter where…
I just be there for you.
Last…
Wish you understand and conceive what ever you have at this moment…
Cherish what you have… Cherish what you own…
With my love, I am asseveration for you…
Pledge my heart and soul for you ever after.
With Love,
Love only you forever.
What is the meaning for you?
Long time ago, I walk from the darkness, behave the sorrow along the time…
Just like you…
Suffer the pain I never had before…
Suffer the loneliness I never face before…
Scare of people… Scare of myself.
Always scare to facing the facts… don’t wish to tell the feeling to the world…
Just wish to put it into the place that deep inside my heart.
Cover with depression, conceal with the broken heart.
Let the pain burn my soul… let the sadness torture my spirit.
Avoid everything and evade anything.
Especially myself.
From the time, only understand and sense the mono tone surround within my world.
The darkness shadow covers the entire life and block out the meaningless of life.
It make me weak… it make me wear out.
It makes me exhausted.
Always carry the “Shadow”… I felt myself so tired. So lonely.
Mind set always recall the moment that cherish between myself and the other.
Just make me more dislike to break off with the memories.
Just make me disagree the fact is true.
Just make me can’t help myself.
I cry… I sorrow…
Some one say, I lost out the real person of myself.
Never see me fall down so hard, not even stand up with my bare feet.
Or, push up and sustain my body balance when I down to earth.
People worry, people pay serious attention…
I am still suffering the pain within my soul.
Time passer by…
Leave only the fact that I need to outward to be with…
Unwillingly to let it be…
Offering resistance to believe…
Same like you…
Lack of the confidence and faith with love…
Absence my trust to life and some one…
Uncertainty on the integrity of belief to everyone else...
Just wish that is the end of my time…
Down to six feet under… bury myself forever.
But, do you understand how does it feel when some one is care about you?
I only selfish to apply the pain to some one who loves me…
Just like using a knife stab into the heart, torn up the soul from the body…
Penetrate the mortal and let it bleed to dead…
Make other people soul cry in helpless.
Just like you at this moment…
When I knew, the shadow still attached within your soul.
Covering your heart and recall all your sadness memories…
Let yourself hard to leave it alone…
Even the truth is acceptable with you mind.
Do you know how I feel?
I understand myself if never pull out from the darkness… I will be forever trap inside the evil soul…
I don’t wish to see myself like that… even bare in front your eyes…
I don’t wish to see you cry… cry for my soul.
I try so hard to let myself free…
Free from the darkness… leave the sorrow away and leave it to the shadow.
Let the shadow carry away… carry away all my misery and pain.
I wish to walk away from the darkness, waiting the new light shine upon myself…
If anything happen, will only let it be wait over here…
In the room of my heart, wait for me like a stone…
I try so hard to do that…
Just wish the room forever close deep inside my soul.
Never will be review or expose any more.
The door will shut, shut with the key from my heart.
Seal up the room and never let the light reach over here forever.
Let the darkness band with the shadow.
Let the shadow melt into the darkness.
Depart the shadow forever…
Visible in my outward appearance…
Only let your love warmth beneath my heart.
Let the time be my counterpart and heal my scar.
I know is hard to move past… but once I be through to the moment.
I set my soul free.
I believe it…
With your shadow, I hope you can submerge the pass into the room that I mention before, seal the shadow within the room…
Let the darkness band with your shadow… let the shadow melt into darkness.
Only you can help yourself within your heart… I only can wait for you at the surface and help you out from there.
Once you are out from the past, I can let my light shine upon you.
Not using my light to cast the shadow behind of you.
I am not the substitute of the shadow… I am not the alternate of the darkness.
I am jealous…
When you set the appearance in a similar for standing with me to your shadow…
I am reluctant that you are commemorating the past of it…
I am be discordant what you think of me and confront myself with it…
I am strongly guard and scramble when you compensate me…
But I only silent myself and let you feel I am not like that…
Just wish you to feel I am there for you…
No matter how, No matter when, No matter where…
I just be there for you.
Last…
Wish you understand and conceive what ever you have at this moment…
Cherish what you have… Cherish what you own…
With my love, I am asseveration for you…
Pledge my heart and soul for you ever after.
With Love,
Love only you forever.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Re: Fear
Never set a sleep for whole night long…
I almost forget how many shot of vodka I had been taken…
Just smudge with dazzle and psychotically tired over my mind.
Only know sitting in front of my note book and write down all my feeling…
I wish to tell you about my feeling…
But I don’t dare to talk to you.
Mind set and my heart has been block out with emotional matter, feel so bad and torment with myself…
I am so scared…
What I had been done? Why?...
Went for a walk in the middle of the night…
Just can’t felt myself in the darkness on the road.
I am felt cold and lonely in the dark.
I felt abandoned…
Where are you?
I just can’t help myself.
I almost forget how many shot of vodka I had been taken…
Just smudge with dazzle and psychotically tired over my mind.
Only know sitting in front of my note book and write down all my feeling…
I wish to tell you about my feeling…
But I don’t dare to talk to you.
Mind set and my heart has been block out with emotional matter, feel so bad and torment with myself…
I am so scared…
What I had been done? Why?...
Went for a walk in the middle of the night…
Just can’t felt myself in the darkness on the road.
I am felt cold and lonely in the dark.
I felt abandoned…
Where are you?
I just can’t help myself.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Re: Alone
"和你在一起之后...
我感觉很累...
我真的累了."
Every time…
When i heard about this... Do you know how I feel?
Let me tell you how I feel.
I feel aversion with the moment when I sit alone to have my meal.
I feel aversion with the moment when I walk in the street.
I feel aversion with the moment when I open my eyes in the morning.
I feel aversion with the moment when the night is fall.
I feel aversion with the moment when I need some one to talk to.
I feel aversion with the moment when I need a hand to hold.
I repugnance all the moment when I just realize I am alone by myself.
I hostility toward those feelings…
I hostility toward those moments…
I hate my loneliness… I hate my solitary.
I hate myself.
我感觉很累...
我真的累了."
Every time…
When i heard about this... Do you know how I feel?
Let me tell you how I feel.
I feel aversion with the moment when I sit alone to have my meal.
I feel aversion with the moment when I walk in the street.
I feel aversion with the moment when I open my eyes in the morning.
I feel aversion with the moment when the night is fall.
I feel aversion with the moment when I need some one to talk to.
I feel aversion with the moment when I need a hand to hold.
I repugnance all the moment when I just realize I am alone by myself.
I hostility toward those feelings…
I hostility toward those moments…
I hate my loneliness… I hate my solitary.
I hate myself.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Re: Star
I sit near the window… Look up upon the sky..
I can see many stars from the window…
They follow me along the way, along my way back..
The sky is so clear… and I saw some star was so bright and so nice… They seem like smile to me and wish to talk to me…
Out of sudden…
I ask myself.. can I reach them?
Isn’t they very far away from me?
But they seem like so close to me…
And I wish to..
I can be with those star now…
just wish myself is there...
I can see many stars from the window…
They follow me along the way, along my way back..
The sky is so clear… and I saw some star was so bright and so nice… They seem like smile to me and wish to talk to me…
Out of sudden…
I ask myself.. can I reach them?
Isn’t they very far away from me?
But they seem like so close to me…
And I wish to..
I can be with those star now…
just wish myself is there...
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Re: Christmas Tree
Last year...
23/11/2005...
I happen to pass by with a christmas tree...
I took a picture and post it over my blog.
And i write...
"Last time, I do filming a special person setting up the first christmas tree. But now... Everything seem like memory. "
"Christmas is around the corner.. I am still not ready for it."
This year...
21/11/2006...
I also pass by the same places with another christmas tree...
I took another picture...
And I write...
"Is about a year already...
everything seem like yesterday but my heart is too tired to remember what is going over the pass.
Too long and too hard to remember...
And i choose not to recall... not to remember..."
"Life is hard for me pass two years...
But i already choose to take it's own to live over the time...
Pain in the heart is no longer apper... Shodow in my mind already misfire..."
"What elsa i just waiting for?
Christmas is around in the corner again...
Am i ready for it?"
I only can standing over here and wait for my answer...
Last...
"It seem like yesterday... but it take more than a day for myself to realize i was walk over so far out...
Looking up with the christmas tree top... i can see the star were by for me."
Friday, November 10, 2006
Re: Late Night
Lately,
Always working very late for past few days…
Rushing out with some project, be alone in the office.
Xiangnan Primary School – Studio Set Up Project
Zhonghua Primary School – Proposal Setting Up Studio
Northbrook Secondary School - Proposal Setting Up Studio
Greendale Secondary School - Proposal Setting Up Studio
River Valley Primary School – School Video Award
Singapore Sports School – DVD authoring project
CHIJ Toa Payoh Secondary - School Video Award
CHIJ St Nicholas Secondary Girl School - School Video Award
Normal ICC Club training
Support ANL Multimedia Educator - School Video Award
What else I miss out from the list?
All those job load really killing me… I am really cannot feel myself for some moment.
Already two weeks never going back KL… miss out the time with Yuki.
Everyday in and out… non stop “action” pack work load fill up my time.
Mobile keep on ringing and ringing…
From sale team to school admin, from PET team to Multimedia educators…
I almost can’t remember how many phone call in a day!
SMS, Miss call… and unfinished e-mail line up and wait for me to respond…
God… just wish to get myself out of the heavy job load.
Work late in the office… sometime I ask myself… Why I am always so busy compare with some PET team member? Some of them finish and have a good rest before sunset of the day… enjoying the quality time the family and love one.
Where is my time?
Or maybe I am just stay alone in Singapore?
I just wish myself can have some time with my love one… can I ?
I been work in ANL already one year… from normal training work until settle the big project with school, most likely I am just handle by alone.
Pulling out all my energy to support the ops in the team, just make myself more tired than I work in Malaysia.
What I am looking for at this moment? Hopefully I just get it dome step by step… and one step at a time.
Look back all the time I had been walk through… just like a sea wave pulling up and down in my time line.
Sadness and happiness always slip it away from my space… the space in my mind and heart. And I am glad I am still have the passion and energy walk all alone until here.
Don’t dare to wish more… hopefully after the Xiangnan Primary School projects… wish to get myself off for some time.
What I am going to do… I just don’t wish to know… just let it be. Be the way I hope.
Always working very late for past few days…
Rushing out with some project, be alone in the office.
Xiangnan Primary School – Studio Set Up Project
Zhonghua Primary School – Proposal Setting Up Studio
Northbrook Secondary School - Proposal Setting Up Studio
Greendale Secondary School - Proposal Setting Up Studio
River Valley Primary School – School Video Award
Singapore Sports School – DVD authoring project
CHIJ Toa Payoh Secondary - School Video Award
CHIJ St Nicholas Secondary Girl School - School Video Award
Normal ICC Club training
Support ANL Multimedia Educator - School Video Award
What else I miss out from the list?
All those job load really killing me… I am really cannot feel myself for some moment.
Already two weeks never going back KL… miss out the time with Yuki.
Everyday in and out… non stop “action” pack work load fill up my time.
Mobile keep on ringing and ringing…
From sale team to school admin, from PET team to Multimedia educators…
I almost can’t remember how many phone call in a day!
SMS, Miss call… and unfinished e-mail line up and wait for me to respond…
God… just wish to get myself out of the heavy job load.
Work late in the office… sometime I ask myself… Why I am always so busy compare with some PET team member? Some of them finish and have a good rest before sunset of the day… enjoying the quality time the family and love one.
Where is my time?
Or maybe I am just stay alone in Singapore?
I just wish myself can have some time with my love one… can I ?
I been work in ANL already one year… from normal training work until settle the big project with school, most likely I am just handle by alone.
Pulling out all my energy to support the ops in the team, just make myself more tired than I work in Malaysia.
What I am looking for at this moment? Hopefully I just get it dome step by step… and one step at a time.
Look back all the time I had been walk through… just like a sea wave pulling up and down in my time line.
Sadness and happiness always slip it away from my space… the space in my mind and heart. And I am glad I am still have the passion and energy walk all alone until here.
Don’t dare to wish more… hopefully after the Xiangnan Primary School projects… wish to get myself off for some time.
What I am going to do… I just don’t wish to know… just let it be. Be the way I hope.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Re: When September Ends
Summer has come and past,
The innocent can never last,
Wake me up when September ends.
The innocent can never last,
Wake me up when September ends.
Like my fathers come to pass,
Seven years has gone so fast,
Wake me up when September ends.
Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rests,
But never forgets what I lost,
Wake me up when September ends.
Summer has come and past,
The innocent can never last,
Wake me up when September ends.
Ring out the bells again,
Like we did when spring began,
Wake me up when September ends.
Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rest,
But never forgets what I lost,
Wake me up when September ends.
Summer has come and past,
The innocent can never last,
Wake me up when September ends.
Like my fathers come to pass.
Twenty years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.
When I saw this MTV, it reminds me something…
If…
if you have some one who you love..
And you know your love is in danger and away from you…
What is you first reaction when you heard about it?
Do you worry about your love one?
Do you wish yourself will be the one at her side at that moment?
Or...
You just wish yourself is her and let you suffer the pain?
Open your palm and see...
Did you see she is there for you?
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Re: Move Past
1 year…
48 weeks…
365 days…
8760 hours…
How many moments I just be through?
Look back the first year of anniversary work with ANL…
Felt like yesterday…
From the first day join in the dept…
I start to make my assent with my job, teaching my skill set with knowledge...
Once time pass by, I seem to realize myself had a passion within.
Until when I am taking a chance to lead a team for training support…
Facing some challenge within the team, strength out with the work force and
technical support with manpower.
But with all those problem align with my direction…
I just wish myself can encore my ability to accomplish the task.
Aftermath with some team member from the pass… I had learned some good for myself.
I try not to be a soul in the team but wish to light up the path with my mate.
If I can stagnation what I can provide… I might make some marvel over the time.
I am look forward another year in the job…
since I can see the surplus of my work.
With passion and confidence, I wish to lead my knowledge to another era in the time.
Elsa… just enjoy my work ! :D
48 weeks…
365 days…
8760 hours…
How many moments I just be through?
Look back the first year of anniversary work with ANL…
Felt like yesterday…
From the first day join in the dept…
I start to make my assent with my job, teaching my skill set with knowledge...
Once time pass by, I seem to realize myself had a passion within.
Until when I am taking a chance to lead a team for training support…
Facing some challenge within the team, strength out with the work force and
technical support with manpower.
But with all those problem align with my direction…
I just wish myself can encore my ability to accomplish the task.
Aftermath with some team member from the pass… I had learned some good for myself.
I try not to be a soul in the team but wish to light up the path with my mate.
If I can stagnation what I can provide… I might make some marvel over the time.
I am look forward another year in the job…
since I can see the surplus of my work.
With passion and confidence, I wish to lead my knowledge to another era in the time.
Elsa… just enjoy my work ! :D
Re: Recurrence of time.
Lately,
Few people leaving ANL for better job opportunity, for me, I am just move past my first year anniversary in ANL.
Just had sad and mournful feeling when J tells me she is leaving…
Out of moment, refresh of all the memories over the year…
Blessed moment…
Distemper stage of feeling…
Amity of touch…
Pursue of mistake…
All of those conscious and perception feeling is up streaming in to my heart.
Don’t know what to say... Even don’t know what to do…
Just blank my mind for that moment.
Sure I am going to be missing out all of those moments to be with J.
Over here, I just wish J will be having a better life hereafter…
J… always remember…
“Just be yourself… live through with passion over your life…
Treasures and precious all you have at the moment when you own it… don’t leave it behind for any reason. Be strong… and always be yourself.”
J... Thanks for everything.
Few people leaving ANL for better job opportunity, for me, I am just move past my first year anniversary in ANL.
Just had sad and mournful feeling when J tells me she is leaving…
Out of moment, refresh of all the memories over the year…
Blessed moment…
Distemper stage of feeling…
Amity of touch…
Pursue of mistake…
All of those conscious and perception feeling is up streaming in to my heart.
Don’t know what to say... Even don’t know what to do…
Just blank my mind for that moment.
Sure I am going to be missing out all of those moments to be with J.
Over here, I just wish J will be having a better life hereafter…
J… always remember…
“Just be yourself… live through with passion over your life…
Treasures and precious all you have at the moment when you own it… don’t leave it behind for any reason. Be strong… and always be yourself.”
J... Thanks for everything.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Re: Almost
Lately...
Sense the year end is come to my foot step...
This two year really heppen quite lots of things...
Seem like myself is adequate with what i needs but just not enough time to react...
I am feel happy cos i am still here for my living.
Wish me well.
See J write something about Happy and Unhappy in the life...
Really like to see J felt happy more than unhappy...
And wish J have a good relationship after all...
Really felt good with J's feeling now :-)
Wish J well.
Look back i almost work in ANL about a year...
Work seem like never end but i do give myself a break.
Long life, long way...
So far so good thats all i can say...
Almost.. almost...
See how is the path lead me in...
Now... don't have the feeling to enrage with sollow any more.
Or myself lost all the sense about it?
I have no idea with it.
Sense the year end is come to my foot step...
This two year really heppen quite lots of things...
Seem like myself is adequate with what i needs but just not enough time to react...
I am feel happy cos i am still here for my living.
Wish me well.
See J write something about Happy and Unhappy in the life...
Really like to see J felt happy more than unhappy...
And wish J have a good relationship after all...
Really felt good with J's feeling now :-)
Wish J well.
Look back i almost work in ANL about a year...
Work seem like never end but i do give myself a break.
Long life, long way...
So far so good thats all i can say...
Almost.. almost...
See how is the path lead me in...
Now... don't have the feeling to enrage with sollow any more.
Or myself lost all the sense about it?
I have no idea with it.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Re: God Way
If there is a heaven...
Everyone is laughing...
Which you can breathe...
And your respiration might deep even just for that...
This country which getting darker and darker...
Night train fall within which stop running...
He is tried us which asking all eternity questions quietly...
Well...It's this the way it will be?
I am wonder why i am being able to tie up over here.
Everyone is laughing...
Which you can breathe...
And your respiration might deep even just for that...
This country which getting darker and darker...
Night train fall within which stop running...
He is tried us which asking all eternity questions quietly...
Well...It's this the way it will be?
I am wonder why i am being able to tie up over here.
God Way...
p/s: A girl who write this song name Saori.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Re: Who are They?
Sat...
Sit in Office and do the paper work... felt lonely.
Nothing to do by just pass my time.
See E walk in around one... so suprises to see her around in office at this hour.
She just rush her project... so happy to see her around. :-)
and she pass me one of the song i look for long time ago.
Jem - They
Sit in Office and do the paper work... felt lonely.
Nothing to do by just pass my time.
See E walk in around one... so suprises to see her around in office at this hour.
She just rush her project... so happy to see her around. :-)
and she pass me one of the song i look for long time ago.
Jem - They
Who made up all the rules
We follow them like fools
Believe them to be true
Don't care to think them through
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry we do this
And it's ironic too
Coz what we tend to do
Is act on what they say
And then it is that way
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry we do this
Who are they
And where are they
And how can they possibly
know all this
Who are they
And where are they
And how can they possibly
know all this
Do you see what I see
Why do we live like this
Is it because it's true
that ignorance is bliss
Who are they
And where are they
And how do they
know all this
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
We follow them like fools
Believe them to be true
Don't care to think them through
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry we do this
And it's ironic too
Coz what we tend to do
Is act on what they say
And then it is that way
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry we do this
Who are they
And where are they
And how can they possibly
know all this
Who are they
And where are they
And how can they possibly
know all this
Do you see what I see
Why do we live like this
Is it because it's true
that ignorance is bliss
Who are they
And where are they
And how do they
know all this
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
p/s: Thx E ! :D
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Re: Doesn't Remind Me Anything
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I walk the streets at night till I get lost
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
With a grave yard carrying me a cross
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I am studying faces in streets or sidewalk
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like riding fast in the dark
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like throwing my voice and punchs
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I am taking more shots of vodka
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I crying alone when i felt sad...
If it doesn't remind me of anything
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more you can believe
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Re: ill
Last week, After friday night have supper with James in Toa Payoh...
When back home and feel not so good..
Wondering might be food poisoning... But the stomach is ok.
just feel uncertain...
Middle of the night, wake up few time cos cannot sleep well...
Gastric attack !!
Rolling into bed.. up and down... really feel myself "dieded" !!
Wake up and make myself "vomit"...
I tell you... that is the most hard time for myself.
Really feel want her to be with me that moment... miss her so much !
After that... wake up in the morning and when down to Victoria JC for training AFX.
Whole morning really make me sick.. really dont feel myself for the training session.
But finally i can finish the session with my student.
when back to home and accidentally fall sleep in the sofa...
Sleep until myself also dont know what time is it...
Day and night... the moment i wake up.. i just realize myself in late everning.
After two days... Same things happen again.. this two days i just take care myself and dont dare eat lots of oily food. but... stupid gastric attack again!!
Pay a visit to doctor... after take out the medicine...
Same things... Sleep for whole day...
From that moment.. i am realize... Sick is not a problem, but when you sick and you are alone...
Really feel inessential moment for myself. feel so sad....
Just wish her be with me at that moment... but so sad.
She not with me.
When back home and feel not so good..
Wondering might be food poisoning... But the stomach is ok.
just feel uncertain...
Middle of the night, wake up few time cos cannot sleep well...
Gastric attack !!
Rolling into bed.. up and down... really feel myself "dieded" !!
Wake up and make myself "vomit"...
I tell you... that is the most hard time for myself.
Really feel want her to be with me that moment... miss her so much !
After that... wake up in the morning and when down to Victoria JC for training AFX.
Whole morning really make me sick.. really dont feel myself for the training session.
But finally i can finish the session with my student.
when back to home and accidentally fall sleep in the sofa...
Sleep until myself also dont know what time is it...
Day and night... the moment i wake up.. i just realize myself in late everning.
After two days... Same things happen again.. this two days i just take care myself and dont dare eat lots of oily food. but... stupid gastric attack again!!
Pay a visit to doctor... after take out the medicine...
Same things... Sleep for whole day...
From that moment.. i am realize... Sick is not a problem, but when you sick and you are alone...
Really feel inessential moment for myself. feel so sad....
Just wish her be with me at that moment... but so sad.
She not with me.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Re: Antithesis the times - Year 2006
09/08/2006
Wake up early in the morning... when open my eyes, realize time was pass by so fast...
Another indefinite long period have gone and slip away from me to her…
Sitting alone in the living room, television shows up the boring TV show for entertainment.
No inobtrusive what is showing on television but feel the room is very quiet at this moment.
Mindset still full of memories on this day in 2005…
The moment she walks away… the period she leaves me alone here…
Deep in my heart still wonder… if I have chance, will I going to change everything?
I afraid not…
Decided to write this on my blog to expression my feeling now…
Show the contrast between the time, the moment and the feeling from this day…
Realize that is no just myself or her can make this happen, we need each other to make this happen over the time… they have the chain reaction or factor within our disintegration.
I might induces her and lead this happen to us…
Or her just influences to me and she decided to leave me?
I don’t wish to find out this reason any more…
Pass over this years, a lots of things happen, I am glad I am still standing here with myself and wishful some one who help me a lots over the time…
From deepest of my heart… Thank you very much for every one who helps me until this moment.
Now… is myself how to lead the way until end of my time.
Sitting in front of my notebook to finish this blog... apprehend to see how is my day will go on...
Last memories will not affect my emotion any more... that is for sure...
"just wish the time can heal and need time to recover the spiritual wholeness"
Wake up early in the morning... when open my eyes, realize time was pass by so fast...
Another indefinite long period have gone and slip away from me to her…
Sitting alone in the living room, television shows up the boring TV show for entertainment.
No inobtrusive what is showing on television but feel the room is very quiet at this moment.
Mindset still full of memories on this day in 2005…
The moment she walks away… the period she leaves me alone here…
Deep in my heart still wonder… if I have chance, will I going to change everything?
I afraid not…
Decided to write this on my blog to expression my feeling now…
Show the contrast between the time, the moment and the feeling from this day…
Realize that is no just myself or her can make this happen, we need each other to make this happen over the time… they have the chain reaction or factor within our disintegration.
I might induces her and lead this happen to us…
Or her just influences to me and she decided to leave me?
I don’t wish to find out this reason any more…
Pass over this years, a lots of things happen, I am glad I am still standing here with myself and wishful some one who help me a lots over the time…
From deepest of my heart… Thank you very much for every one who helps me until this moment.
Now… is myself how to lead the way until end of my time.
Sitting in front of my notebook to finish this blog... apprehend to see how is my day will go on...
Last memories will not affect my emotion any more... that is for sure...
"just wish the time can heal and need time to recover the spiritual wholeness"
Re: Antithesis the times - Year 2005
09/08/2005
Wake up in the morning... having an affinity intimacy with her for whole night, feel tired but both of us is happy cos need prepare to have wedding photo session with her in ipoh.
Finally the time is come... but for her she is abit upset about my new hair cut last two days is not so nice for the wedding photo session.
I just ask her... "isn't have a new outlook will be nice? why not don't give it a try?"
She confuse and show up not meaningful expression on her face... she urging...
We have a nice shopping in Ikea for some stuff in our house... some how just received her brother call up and will have a meeting for lunch in Ikea. and the brother say whether she will follow him back to Singapore when he is driving back.
For her, she still have another day holiday and she have a bus ticket leaving KL by tomorrow night.. I ask her...
"if you not happy about my new outlook, why we just wait for another two or three more week for the wedding photo session? we still have lots of time for the wedding photo session since our wedding day is fall on first of Jan next year."
"Since than... you can spend a day more with me for the holiday than you go back to Singapore by tomorrow."
"No need to rush back then.." i ask her to stay with me...
But with her brother keep on asking her follow him and return the bus ticket and get refund.
She start to showing up unhappiness over her face...
She is confuse... she is not happy... i realize over the time.
Finaly with her brother annoy nagging, she decide to go back and ingore my wishes...
"The wedding photo session is hold up... She and me will getting alone for another day even we have time and chance to be together..."
Last, seeing her last moment from the back...
And she is forever after all leaving me alone here.
Wake up in the morning... having an affinity intimacy with her for whole night, feel tired but both of us is happy cos need prepare to have wedding photo session with her in ipoh.
Finally the time is come... but for her she is abit upset about my new hair cut last two days is not so nice for the wedding photo session.
I just ask her... "isn't have a new outlook will be nice? why not don't give it a try?"
She confuse and show up not meaningful expression on her face... she urging...
We have a nice shopping in Ikea for some stuff in our house... some how just received her brother call up and will have a meeting for lunch in Ikea. and the brother say whether she will follow him back to Singapore when he is driving back.
For her, she still have another day holiday and she have a bus ticket leaving KL by tomorrow night.. I ask her...
"if you not happy about my new outlook, why we just wait for another two or three more week for the wedding photo session? we still have lots of time for the wedding photo session since our wedding day is fall on first of Jan next year."
"Since than... you can spend a day more with me for the holiday than you go back to Singapore by tomorrow."
"No need to rush back then.." i ask her to stay with me...
But with her brother keep on asking her follow him and return the bus ticket and get refund.
She start to showing up unhappiness over her face...
She is confuse... she is not happy... i realize over the time.
Finaly with her brother annoy nagging, she decide to go back and ingore my wishes...
"The wedding photo session is hold up... She and me will getting alone for another day even we have time and chance to be together..."
Last, seeing her last moment from the back...
And she is forever after all leaving me alone here.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Re: Sold Team
So Far...
That is no right or wrong with this moment...
Is only left the distinction from yourself and characterized by its own.
Why need to be this?
Isn't about your exaggerated sense of self-importance? or I can say it was your appropriate pride in oneself?
I just leave this for you all to find out the answer by yourself. Or...
Just ask this to yourself...
Seem like you all never care about the soul and passion within the team...
Is very hard for me I can do anything any more over here...
You are young... you have your ego... you have your ambition...
You can do anything you like... no one can stop you.
Try your best to achieve what you deserve by yourself.
I lost my solicitude and grief for this any more.
With the soul and passion.. it only can drive our vision together...
And set our spirit free from the immortal and move on to another...
But now... i just wish myself to be free out of all this...
I don't wish to care any more...
I am not deserve it.
That is no right or wrong with this moment...
Is only left the distinction from yourself and characterized by its own.
Why need to be this?
Isn't about your exaggerated sense of self-importance? or I can say it was your appropriate pride in oneself?
I just leave this for you all to find out the answer by yourself. Or...
Just ask this to yourself...
Seem like you all never care about the soul and passion within the team...
Is very hard for me I can do anything any more over here...
You are young... you have your ego... you have your ambition...
You can do anything you like... no one can stop you.
Try your best to achieve what you deserve by yourself.
I lost my solicitude and grief for this any more.
With the soul and passion.. it only can drive our vision together...
And set our spirit free from the immortal and move on to another...
But now... i just wish myself to be free out of all this...
I don't wish to care any more...
I am not deserve it.
"With your pride and manner, i wish to exchange and rid it when it hurt me...
With your ego and selfish, i wish to sell it to protect my self-esteem...
With your irresponsible and doltish, i wish to burn it when the time is come...
With your malevolent and severe reprimand, I decide to sold the team spirit to devil...
and make the suffer for you but me."
Friday, July 21, 2006
Re: Team's Soul
Blame, substitute or even symbolic gesture ...
Will only damage the spirit in the team.
The group which deserving the honor for each other but not holding personal emotion and express the harsh criticism to one another.
It will only kill the harmony, trust and relationship within the team.
And make the deep cut from the heart to body and bleed to die.
Misinterpret... only lead censure to the soul and dimotivating spiritual all over the site.
Burning heart... will never provide the brotherhood last long forever.
I ask myself... who is scapegoat for all?
Teammate should help each other without taking the initiative when the time is come.
Do you take it to your mind and understand the meaning of it?
I try so hard to it... cos i part of the team.
And last...
I will never let my teammate leave behind and never be forgetting...
Cos i understand the meaning of "Team's soul" !
Will only damage the spirit in the team.
The group which deserving the honor for each other but not holding personal emotion and express the harsh criticism to one another.
It will only kill the harmony, trust and relationship within the team.
And make the deep cut from the heart to body and bleed to die.
Misinterpret... only lead censure to the soul and dimotivating spiritual all over the site.
Burning heart... will never provide the brotherhood last long forever.
I ask myself... who is scapegoat for all?
Teammate should help each other without taking the initiative when the time is come.
Do you take it to your mind and understand the meaning of it?
I try so hard to it... cos i part of the team.
And last...
I will never let my teammate leave behind and never be forgetting...
Cos i understand the meaning of "Team's soul" !
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Re: Way Out
Quite long time never update my Blog... really busy for this fews week.
Everyday still work until so late... don't know isn't need to be so or what?..
Just wish to be myself for a moment... Moment for freedom? moment to be free of restraints?
Myself also dont know...
Whole PET team facing very low motivation period of time. everyone sick of the heavy schedule and the jobs load in the team. even myself just wish to have some break out of it. the job load make everyone so tired and demoralisation.
M and K seem cannot hold it any longer, sooner and later they will fall apart. i try to help them a lot in anyway, hold up the team together.. but seem never work out.
Guys.. i try my best to lead... if i can't help much.. please forgive me.
I try to put out some irritating bugs in the team, try to comfort everyone over the time... try to give myself full support to everyone... seem like i need more time for myself to do so. No one having the same vision with me at this moment... that is the sad things i been through...
I will still try my best for everyday... I still remember... "better thngs always come our way !"
One things i felt happy is more manpower join in under PET, A & B... and last.. P...
Hope can help out the ops in the team... and everyone will get less jobs load and felt great under the PET. (Wishful for this....)
Last... Jimmy finaly have his great day come over soon... felt happy for him. :-)
Over here... Just wish him well for all.
Everyday still work until so late... don't know isn't need to be so or what?..
Just wish to be myself for a moment... Moment for freedom? moment to be free of restraints?
Myself also dont know...
Whole PET team facing very low motivation period of time. everyone sick of the heavy schedule and the jobs load in the team. even myself just wish to have some break out of it. the job load make everyone so tired and demoralisation.
M and K seem cannot hold it any longer, sooner and later they will fall apart. i try to help them a lot in anyway, hold up the team together.. but seem never work out.
Guys.. i try my best to lead... if i can't help much.. please forgive me.
I try to put out some irritating bugs in the team, try to comfort everyone over the time... try to give myself full support to everyone... seem like i need more time for myself to do so. No one having the same vision with me at this moment... that is the sad things i been through...
I will still try my best for everyday... I still remember... "better thngs always come our way !"
One things i felt happy is more manpower join in under PET, A & B... and last.. P...
Hope can help out the ops in the team... and everyone will get less jobs load and felt great under the PET. (Wishful for this....)
Last... Jimmy finaly have his great day come over soon... felt happy for him. :-)
Over here... Just wish him well for all.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Re: ANL "PET" Team
Lately... Just finish all the "stupid" training and have a very very short time off from "Hell" week...
Just wish to give myself a moment and refresh... and you know what... Fall ill and have two days MC.
Sad !!... :-(
Join in ANL almost over 6 months... Life getting busy like hell after take over the training dept... "PET" team... but i really enjoy the life and work as hard as i can...
Here, Mahathir and Eka really is my "right and left" hand man and women.. able to help out all the team member and the progress in the team. Well done! Guys !! :-)
Without Mahathir... PET really not going so smooth as i plan... he able to take the task and under extreme pressure... but some how i can see he is tired over the work as well.
Eka... She always make a "big" movement once she have little pressure over her work... "-) but she also is a girl who i see the most... able to do the task within the time frame. i am really glad with she around. :-)
Mahathir and Eka... Please... Hang on with this moment ! Always remember.. Better things will come our way and the reward i can let you know is... the most sweetest things in the world ! :-)
Final word for you all... the substace behind the task... containing the essential and passion over the heart. just wait... Now time is just appear and start to be our side... remember always... "better always come our way!" :-)
Believe me...I NEVER let my team mate down once for all.
p/s : Thanks for you two to help the team ! :-)
Just wish to give myself a moment and refresh... and you know what... Fall ill and have two days MC.
Sad !!... :-(
Join in ANL almost over 6 months... Life getting busy like hell after take over the training dept... "PET" team... but i really enjoy the life and work as hard as i can...
Here, Mahathir and Eka really is my "right and left" hand man and women.. able to help out all the team member and the progress in the team. Well done! Guys !! :-)
Without Mahathir... PET really not going so smooth as i plan... he able to take the task and under extreme pressure... but some how i can see he is tired over the work as well.
Eka... She always make a "big" movement once she have little pressure over her work... "-) but she also is a girl who i see the most... able to do the task within the time frame. i am really glad with she around. :-)
Mahathir and Eka... Please... Hang on with this moment ! Always remember.. Better things will come our way and the reward i can let you know is... the most sweetest things in the world ! :-)
Final word for you all... the substace behind the task... containing the essential and passion over the heart. just wait... Now time is just appear and start to be our side... remember always... "better always come our way!" :-)
Believe me...I NEVER let my team mate down once for all.
p/s : Thanks for you two to help the team ! :-)
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Re: Life In.. Life Out...
Life In... Life Out...
That's is every day matter over the time...
Things will never be the same again once you dare the step out the first step for yourself...
Don't look back.. Our pass is memories...
Look forward... Make the first wave for yourself...
Your have the right to have the joy of your life again...
Is the matter how you have it or own it...
I always told myself....
"I am walk from the darkness.. pass over all the sadness and settle over here...
I will give myself a moment... give myself the time to make the first wave...
And now... i only wait and see... let the time tell everyone about my story...
Holding my hand and walk over it... everythng will never be the same again..."
p/s : Happy to see you again :-)
That's is every day matter over the time...
Things will never be the same again once you dare the step out the first step for yourself...
Don't look back.. Our pass is memories...
Look forward... Make the first wave for yourself...
Your have the right to have the joy of your life again...
Is the matter how you have it or own it...
I always told myself....
"I am walk from the darkness.. pass over all the sadness and settle over here...
I will give myself a moment... give myself the time to make the first wave...
And now... i only wait and see... let the time tell everyone about my story...
Holding my hand and walk over it... everythng will never be the same again..."
p/s : Happy to see you again :-)
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Re: Dark Side of My World
Finally...
April is over...
Hope will have a new life for more...
And just wish to keep myself quite and wait for the moment to come...
Just wait... and I only can just wait...
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Re: A word from you...
You say...
A daily thought, a silent tear, a constant wish that you are near.
Words are few but thoughts are deep, memories of our love i always keep...
I say...
When night fall, wish you here, a gentle touch that i am your dear.
Love may fade but heart is true, emotions will keep forever i do...
A daily thought, a silent tear, a constant wish that you are near.
Words are few but thoughts are deep, memories of our love i always keep...
I say...
When night fall, wish you here, a gentle touch that i am your dear.
Love may fade but heart is true, emotions will keep forever i do...
Monday, April 24, 2006
Re: Windmill
Windmill, Windmill for the land.
Learn forever hand in hand
Take it all in on your stride
It is sticking, falling down
Love forever love is free
Let’s turn forever you and me
Windmill, windmill for the land
Is everybody in?...
Learn forever hand in hand
Take it all in on your stride
It is sticking, falling down
Love forever love is free
Let’s turn forever you and me
Windmill, windmill for the land
Is everybody in?...
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Re: Birthday
As i mention before...
My birthday is the day which i remember my mohter who love me so much...
Nothing elsa but her as the reason.
Last night... celebrating Mr. Mahathir birthday...
Gounp of friends... really enjoy the moment during the dinner.
Surprisingly the group also giving me a birthday gift before my day is coming.
Feel very touch with the birthday card... Who write down the note over there...
Special Mahathir and Jean... Thanks a lot! :-)
Another person need to thanks is Baby K...
Who giving me support during the wave hit over me... and the first birthday gift she giving to me..
Baby K... Thanks a lot for your support. :-)
Looking back to the footstep i walk over before...
Helping Mahathir, Jean, Zuri and every one which i meet in ANL...
I never expect to have any return from... but just a heart to help some one...
With the birthday card write up...
Mahathir bring me the sense of friendship...
Work together... Died together... Band of Brother...
Jean bring me back the joyful of life...
Knowing what i am doing right now... Prepare the rest of my day. :-)
Joey...
Even Joey never write anything in the card...
But with her heart and support...
Life is another day for me to look for...
Nothing to say...
But wish to share something from me to you all...
"Holding hand together... We can walk over million mile...
I will give my courage and embolden to you... until the end of my time.
We are band of brother... We live with our memories."
My birthday is the day which i remember my mohter who love me so much...
Nothing elsa but her as the reason.
Last night... celebrating Mr. Mahathir birthday...
Gounp of friends... really enjoy the moment during the dinner.
Surprisingly the group also giving me a birthday gift before my day is coming.
Feel very touch with the birthday card... Who write down the note over there...
Special Mahathir and Jean... Thanks a lot! :-)
Another person need to thanks is Baby K...
Who giving me support during the wave hit over me... and the first birthday gift she giving to me..
Baby K... Thanks a lot for your support. :-)
Looking back to the footstep i walk over before...
Helping Mahathir, Jean, Zuri and every one which i meet in ANL...
I never expect to have any return from... but just a heart to help some one...
With the birthday card write up...
Mahathir bring me the sense of friendship...
Work together... Died together... Band of Brother...
Jean bring me back the joyful of life...
Knowing what i am doing right now... Prepare the rest of my day. :-)
Joey...
Even Joey never write anything in the card...
But with her heart and support...
Life is another day for me to look for...
Nothing to say...
But wish to share something from me to you all...
"Holding hand together... We can walk over million mile...
I will give my courage and embolden to you... until the end of my time.
We are band of brother... We live with our memories."
Monday, April 17, 2006
Re: Longest hour in my life
Morning...
9:00 am...
Walk in side to the room...
Saw her sitting in the most front side of the room...
Beside her no body around... she still look the same from behind...
Never change...
Walk over and saw her look up and smile at me...
Myself just think...
Isn't she think i am is another person and she react wrongly?
Nothing to say... just look at her for that moment...
Sitting myself next to her...
Not much to talk... just ask where is the lawyer...
She just smile and answer me softly... Lawyer is out for moment...
And never say anything more...
I ask...
Where is your mum? Are you come alone...
She just keep herself quiet and look to another side...
Waitig for a quite moment... heard her say she is alone with the answer...
So far she don't dare to look at me in single moment at all...
Why?...
Why? you still need to do this to me and yourself?
Isn't with this 8 months is not enought for us?
Until this step you still need to be like that?
I just never ask and keep myself look at her...
10:00am...
Waiting for our turn for the court hearing...
I just keep my head down cos sad memories keep on flash back from my mind...
Seeing her crying and away from me...
No matter how hard i try...
She still let her family member ack as a wall between us...
I am suffer and sadness from that moment...
Never saw her gaving me a single chance...
For herself and me...
Now...
Sitting beside her...
The sadness coming back to me... I just keep myself and don't let my tears drop out...
Rememebr back all the sorrow with me...
I am so suffer... i am so sick of lonelyness...
Crying for sadness and for her...
What i get after all... i just wonder myself...
During this moment... just wish to turn myself to her and ask....
How is everything going on with you...
I have so many question need to ask her...
Just wish to have a talk with her...
But i don't dare... i don't dare to do so...
I scare myself will get hurt and the pain...
I just don't dare to move...
I just keep myself sitting next to her... just next to her...
11:00am...
Few times...
I turn to her... Saw her just keep pretend to look at some other place...
She konws i look at her... she just pretend...
Feel myself want to talk to her...
But the word just reach to my mouth...
And don't feel to ask any single things...
Last...
I saw her yawning...
I ask... "feel tired?"
She just pretend never listen what i say...
Keep herself quiet...
I feel myself at that moment...
So sick of her reaction...
Why? Why you need to do like that?
I just can't feel myself any more...
I keep myself quiet for few moment...
I ask again...
"this morning you just back to Ipoh?"...
Again...
She do the same reaction....
I was totally hopeless....
Hopeless for myself why i try so hard to approach and she just be like that...
I never blame and censure her...
I just feel myself total lost about the space between me and her...
Even i just sit beside her for more that 2 hour from the morning...
We use to a couple and lover...
Now we just total apart from each other...
Not even a single simple word can link us up together...
Not any more...
11:30am...
Finally... is our turn to be judged...
Judge by some other people...
Judge by herself for some reason...
Within three month...
We are officially be apart...
Be apart forever and so on...
No other interlink will link us together...
We seem like never know or meet each other before...
We seem like never fall in love for all...
We are totally will out from our mind...
Forever be gone...
Isn't this she need and wants?
I really don't wish to know any more...
When we walk out from the high court...
Saw her walk so fast and away from me...
My eyes keep on look at her...
Looking at her back... and out from my vision...
My heart feel like torn out...
But no tears drop from the heart...
11:45am...
Walk myself back to the car...
I can't feel myself at all...
Feel relief or feel sadness...
I really dont know...
Sitting back in the car...
Saw BK send me the sms and ask...
"How is everthing?...."
My tears start to drop out and can't control myself any more...
I keep on crying and crying...
My tears stain on my sun glass...
Blur out my vision and myself...
I just can't help myself for the moment...
I not cry for sadness or sorrow...
I not cry for her...
I not even cry for myself...
I just wish to cry... everything is forever from this moment...
My true love...
My marriage...
My sorrow...
My sadness...
Just mark another cheapter in my life...
Last...
I glad myself still have the final moment with her...
Sitting beside her for two and half hour...
Even we never say more that 5 word or something...
I really glad.... maybe that is the last things i can really do for her...
"Dear dear... (please allow me call you the last time as dear dear i use to call you...)
Thank you very much for everthing...
Even i cannot promise or do anything to you any more...
No matter good or bad...
You just be into my heart once for all...
Thank you for everthing from my bottom of my heart...
Please take a good care for yourself....
Last for the momeries... for all! "
With love...
Astley Wong
9:00 am...
Walk in side to the room...
Saw her sitting in the most front side of the room...
Beside her no body around... she still look the same from behind...
Never change...
Walk over and saw her look up and smile at me...
Myself just think...
Isn't she think i am is another person and she react wrongly?
Nothing to say... just look at her for that moment...
Sitting myself next to her...
Not much to talk... just ask where is the lawyer...
She just smile and answer me softly... Lawyer is out for moment...
And never say anything more...
I ask...
Where is your mum? Are you come alone...
She just keep herself quiet and look to another side...
Waitig for a quite moment... heard her say she is alone with the answer...
So far she don't dare to look at me in single moment at all...
Why?...
Why? you still need to do this to me and yourself?
Isn't with this 8 months is not enought for us?
Until this step you still need to be like that?
I just never ask and keep myself look at her...
10:00am...
Waiting for our turn for the court hearing...
I just keep my head down cos sad memories keep on flash back from my mind...
Seeing her crying and away from me...
No matter how hard i try...
She still let her family member ack as a wall between us...
I am suffer and sadness from that moment...
Never saw her gaving me a single chance...
For herself and me...
Now...
Sitting beside her...
The sadness coming back to me... I just keep myself and don't let my tears drop out...
Rememebr back all the sorrow with me...
I am so suffer... i am so sick of lonelyness...
Crying for sadness and for her...
What i get after all... i just wonder myself...
During this moment... just wish to turn myself to her and ask....
How is everything going on with you...
I have so many question need to ask her...
Just wish to have a talk with her...
But i don't dare... i don't dare to do so...
I scare myself will get hurt and the pain...
I just don't dare to move...
I just keep myself sitting next to her... just next to her...
11:00am...
Few times...
I turn to her... Saw her just keep pretend to look at some other place...
She konws i look at her... she just pretend...
Feel myself want to talk to her...
But the word just reach to my mouth...
And don't feel to ask any single things...
Last...
I saw her yawning...
I ask... "feel tired?"
She just pretend never listen what i say...
Keep herself quiet...
I feel myself at that moment...
So sick of her reaction...
Why? Why you need to do like that?
I just can't feel myself any more...
I keep myself quiet for few moment...
I ask again...
"this morning you just back to Ipoh?"...
Again...
She do the same reaction....
I was totally hopeless....
Hopeless for myself why i try so hard to approach and she just be like that...
I never blame and censure her...
I just feel myself total lost about the space between me and her...
Even i just sit beside her for more that 2 hour from the morning...
We use to a couple and lover...
Now we just total apart from each other...
Not even a single simple word can link us up together...
Not any more...
11:30am...
Finally... is our turn to be judged...
Judge by some other people...
Judge by herself for some reason...
Within three month...
We are officially be apart...
Be apart forever and so on...
No other interlink will link us together...
We seem like never know or meet each other before...
We seem like never fall in love for all...
We are totally will out from our mind...
Forever be gone...
Isn't this she need and wants?
I really don't wish to know any more...
When we walk out from the high court...
Saw her walk so fast and away from me...
My eyes keep on look at her...
Looking at her back... and out from my vision...
My heart feel like torn out...
But no tears drop from the heart...
11:45am...
Walk myself back to the car...
I can't feel myself at all...
Feel relief or feel sadness...
I really dont know...
Sitting back in the car...
Saw BK send me the sms and ask...
"How is everthing?...."
My tears start to drop out and can't control myself any more...
I keep on crying and crying...
My tears stain on my sun glass...
Blur out my vision and myself...
I just can't help myself for the moment...
I not cry for sadness or sorrow...
I not cry for her...
I not even cry for myself...
I just wish to cry... everything is forever from this moment...
My true love...
My marriage...
My sorrow...
My sadness...
Just mark another cheapter in my life...
Last...
I glad myself still have the final moment with her...
Sitting beside her for two and half hour...
Even we never say more that 5 word or something...
I really glad.... maybe that is the last things i can really do for her...
"Dear dear... (please allow me call you the last time as dear dear i use to call you...)
Thank you very much for everthing...
Even i cannot promise or do anything to you any more...
No matter good or bad...
You just be into my heart once for all...
Thank you for everthing from my bottom of my heart...
Please take a good care for yourself....
Last for the momeries... for all! "
With love...
Astley Wong
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Re: APRIL
April
Month of Mellow... Month of Sorrow...
I use to like the name of "April" since my younger day.
I was born in month of "April"... My birthday is fall within the month..
Feel happy and i can celebrate my day...
April make me feel so warm and gracious...
Some how...
April become the month of sorrow to me forever...
Mum pass away in my day... leaving behind the cherish memories and forever love in the deep side of my heart.
Feel lost when she leave me alone druing the year 2004...
At that moment.. i am lost myself once...
I was promise myself... i am no longer to celebrate my day any more cos that is the day is to remember her love to me... I will going back and be with her for a small gethering when the day is come...
I am just miss her so much...
This year...
Before April step in...
In 30/03...
First wave of my sorrow has been badly hit over to me...
Leave me alone and cry for sadness...
Remember her all the moment and until now... still cannot accept the fact.
Even i am no longer have her in my heart... but feel sorrow for myself she leave me alone over here...
I am also feel sorry to my mum... her son was suffer the sadness and tolerate so much of pain over the time...
Even until right of this moment...
Mum... I am sorry and make you worry about me... please forgive me...
Second wave also already hit over me... as predicted...
The memories of her...
Leaving her forever with the acknowledgement from some one...
With the admit from herself? or with some one elsa? I really dont know...
Feel that i really cannot do anything...
Feel so helpless with her...
Feel sadness within my heart...
Thrid wave will hit over me soon...
On the day before Easter...
Who remember by Christians in commemoration of the crucifixion of Jesus...
For me... the day will be forever leave behind of my matrimony...
Left a stain and smudge mark within my heart...
Sorrow and sadness which i am suffer for so long...
No one care about how i am been leave alone and lonely over here...
The last... and the fourth wave will expect appearance in my day...
Some how really don't have any idea what will happen...
And now... really don't wish to know...
Just wish to keep myself ready to face the fact.
Lots of people say to me...
"Astley... you looks so tired..."
"Please take a good rest.."
"Please take care yourself..."
I only can smile for return... don't feel to say anything about.
Regardless of any extenuating circumstances...
I will try to stay on until last of the moment...
Or i should say... Will i make myself over the month of April?
April by this year...
Sorrow and Sadness will forever hit with me...
Leave me all alone in the way...
Leave me suffer the pain of sorrow...
Last.. i just wish to tell my mum..
Mum.. I am sorry... Kheong make you worry about...
Please forgive me...
Month of Mellow... Month of Sorrow...
I use to like the name of "April" since my younger day.
I was born in month of "April"... My birthday is fall within the month..
Feel happy and i can celebrate my day...
April make me feel so warm and gracious...
Some how...
April become the month of sorrow to me forever...
Mum pass away in my day... leaving behind the cherish memories and forever love in the deep side of my heart.
Feel lost when she leave me alone druing the year 2004...
At that moment.. i am lost myself once...
I was promise myself... i am no longer to celebrate my day any more cos that is the day is to remember her love to me... I will going back and be with her for a small gethering when the day is come...
I am just miss her so much...
This year...
Before April step in...
In 30/03...
First wave of my sorrow has been badly hit over to me...
Leave me alone and cry for sadness...
Remember her all the moment and until now... still cannot accept the fact.
Even i am no longer have her in my heart... but feel sorrow for myself she leave me alone over here...
I am also feel sorry to my mum... her son was suffer the sadness and tolerate so much of pain over the time...
Even until right of this moment...
Mum... I am sorry and make you worry about me... please forgive me...
Second wave also already hit over me... as predicted...
The memories of her...
Leaving her forever with the acknowledgement from some one...
With the admit from herself? or with some one elsa? I really dont know...
Feel that i really cannot do anything...
Feel so helpless with her...
Feel sadness within my heart...
Thrid wave will hit over me soon...
On the day before Easter...
Who remember by Christians in commemoration of the crucifixion of Jesus...
For me... the day will be forever leave behind of my matrimony...
Left a stain and smudge mark within my heart...
Sorrow and sadness which i am suffer for so long...
No one care about how i am been leave alone and lonely over here...
The last... and the fourth wave will expect appearance in my day...
Some how really don't have any idea what will happen...
And now... really don't wish to know...
Just wish to keep myself ready to face the fact.
Lots of people say to me...
"Astley... you looks so tired..."
"Please take a good rest.."
"Please take care yourself..."
I only can smile for return... don't feel to say anything about.
Regardless of any extenuating circumstances...
I will try to stay on until last of the moment...
Or i should say... Will i make myself over the month of April?
April by this year...
Sorrow and Sadness will forever hit with me...
Leave me all alone in the way...
Leave me suffer the pain of sorrow...
Last.. i just wish to tell my mum..
Mum.. I am sorry... Kheong make you worry about...
Please forgive me...
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Re: 30th March
30th March...
Longest day for my life...
Ya... really have a very long day since 2003
Feel impatient... lonely... and sadness...
Really feel tired for so long... even at now...
Sadness was sounding my heart everytime i remember every single step for her and myself...
Cannot wipe out from my old memories.
Stain and tarnish deep down of my heart.
Painful...
Disease...
Torment...
Disorder...
Anguish...
So hard to be a live... so hard to be stand alone...
Try so hard to forget and forgive...
Try so hard to to fade out myself...
Try so hard to be normal...
Try so hard to accept everthing...
Really try so hard for myself...
With the memories... i dedicate this song for her.
Just wish to telling her...
How is my feeling.. from the pass... now... and future...
I had told myself long time ago...
The moment is over... will never come back any more...
Once is over... will never never come back to you...
Never...
"二零零五年..
我们因误会且分散..
我欠你,且我不想归还..
我的内心充满想念你和愁怅..
还有你流泪伤心的模样..
我的过份,伤你伤到好凄凉..
欲成为我一生中遗憾..
寂寞心酸，它己成为我的难..
它是我心灵上的悲伤...
和你六年半,我己熟悉你的模样...
你欠我,我从没有要你还..
我的朋友都说, 我累的不像样..
遗憾是没有你陪我身旁..
你的优伤, 让我走得好缓慢..
终有一天要和我分散..
你的优伤, 对我沉重的创伤...
留下什么东西也不管.
你的优伤, 让我走得好缓慢...
终有一天要和我分散..
你的优伤, 对我沉重的创伤,
留下什么东西也不管...
为什么留下我不管?...
为什么留下我不管?..."
To someone who is not the last...
But... just for the pass.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Re: Human Firewall
Barrier...
Fire proof wall between two people...
Blocking all the human communication between time...
Blocking all the man kind sense and touch between grasp...
Why...?
Ask yourself why?
No one know why and what is the answer...
Even the one who had be mention "Mighty" by himself...
Sure he also dont know how to answer this question...
As last... I know what is going on over here...
Just me and myself... Sense the matter and hold down forever.
Fire proof wall between two people...
Blocking all the human communication between time...
Blocking all the man kind sense and touch between grasp...
Why...?
Ask yourself why?
No one know why and what is the answer...
Even the one who had be mention "Mighty" by himself...
Sure he also dont know how to answer this question...
As last... I know what is going on over here...
Just me and myself... Sense the matter and hold down forever.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Re: Our Love
Time has come.
Time pass by....
Time make love sweet and suffer.
When nonspatial continuum occur between the two people...
Past and Present.
Apprenticeship within your soul, mind, heart and love...
Heart with sympathy.
In love with you indefinite of period in my life...
I am glad...
Knowing you in the first place and fall in love with you.
Dear...
Thank you for everything.
Time pass by....
Time make love sweet and suffer.
When nonspatial continuum occur between the two people...
Past and Present.
Apprenticeship within your soul, mind, heart and love...
Heart with sympathy.
In love with you indefinite of period in my life...
I am glad...
Knowing you in the first place and fall in love with you.
Dear...
Thank you for everything.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Re: Morning Sun
Morning Sun...
Shine over my eyes and make me hard to see...
Using my hand and block over the ray...
Thin light slip over...
Drop shodow within my eye...
Drop shaft of light within your smile...
Feel so warm.
You mention before time...
"Your life's end and the number of your days...
Let you know how fleeting is your life."
" I had make your days a mere handbreadth..
The span of your years is as nothing before me...
Each man's life is but a breath."
"Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and from..
Man bustles about, but only in vain...
Man heaps up wealth,not knowing who will get it..."
"But now,what do you look for?...
Your hope is in me..."
I am impress... heart warming...
I mark a sign over back to time...
"With you... you are my world.
With you... you are my love."
"Love with you... is another chapter of my life.
Life with you... is the final episode of myself."
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Re: Because Of You
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
you felt so hard I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing!
Because of you...
Because of you...
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
you felt so hard I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing!
Because of you...
Because of you...
Re: Glad
From the moment i am meet you...
I glad you are here for me...
You are there when i need...
You are there when i want...
You are there when i am feel tired...
I so glad you are there for me every moment...
So sorry i have a over come moment with me now...
And some how... make you feel sadness when you be with me...
I am sorry about that...
If i had giving you this feeling...
Dear... Please forgive me.
I glad you are here for me...
You are there when i need...
You are there when i want...
You are there when i am feel tired...
I so glad you are there for me every moment...
So sorry i have a over come moment with me now...
And some how... make you feel sadness when you be with me...
I am sorry about that...
If i had giving you this feeling...
Dear... Please forgive me.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Re: Back to Similar
In the same way...
She seem to be back to similar...
What so...
Everything seem never change...
Just look like yesterday... day before yesterday...
In session...
just my own sin and myself scream and fill in the room...
Expact no return... and no penance.
Last... Sun will shine...
Will it be you? or me?...
We the meek all in one...
I sad.. I cry...
I cry out to God... I cry out to no one...
Seeking only the decision
And i create my own room...
Or you can say i create my own prison.
She seem to be back to similar...
What so...
Everything seem never change...
Just look like yesterday... day before yesterday...
In session...
just my own sin and myself scream and fill in the room...
Expact no return... and no penance.
Last... Sun will shine...
Will it be you? or me?...
We the meek all in one...
I sad.. I cry...
I cry out to God... I cry out to no one...
Seeking only the decision
And i create my own room...
Or you can say i create my own prison.
Re:Last Breath
Please come now... I think I’m falling...
I’m holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere...
And I’m trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
I yelled back when i heard myself...
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say...
Let me say...
Hold me now...
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking...
That maybe six feet
Ain’t so far downI’m looking down now that it’s over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere...
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But no one seem be listne what i say...
Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there’s something left for me
So please come stay with me
Cause I still believe there’s something left for you and me
Just for you and me
I’m holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere...
And I’m trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
I yelled back when i heard myself...
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say...
Let me say...
Hold me now...
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking...
That maybe six feet
Ain’t so far downI’m looking down now that it’s over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere...
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But no one seem be listne what i say...
Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there’s something left for me
So please come stay with me
Cause I still believe there’s something left for you and me
Just for you and me
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Re: 蜻蜓
那是一個非常寧靜而美麗的小城﹐有一對非常恩愛的戀人﹐
可是有一天﹐在一場車禍中﹐女孩不幸受了重傷﹐
她靜靜地躺在醫院的病床上﹐幾天幾夜都沒有醒過來。
白天﹐男孩就守在床前不停地呼喚毫無知覺的戀人﹔
晚上﹐他就跑到小城的教堂裡向上帝禱告﹐他已經哭幹了眼淚。
終於有一天﹐上帝被這個痴情的男孩感動了。
於是他決定給這個執著的男孩一個例外。
上帝問他﹕“你願意用自己的生命作為交換嗎﹖”
男孩毫不猶豫地回答﹕“我願意﹗”
上帝說﹕“那好吧﹐我可以讓你的戀人很快醒過來﹐
但你要答應化作三年的蜻蜓﹐你願意嗎﹖”
男孩聽了﹐還是堅定地回答道﹕“我願意﹗”
天亮了﹐男孩已經變成了一隻漂亮的蜻蜓﹐
他告別了上帝便匆匆地飛到了醫院。
女孩真的醒了﹐
而且她還在跟身旁的一位醫生交談著什麼﹐可惜他聽不到。
幾天後﹐女孩便康復出院了﹐但是她並不快樂。
她四處打聽著男孩的下落﹐但沒有人知道男孩究竟去了哪裡。
女孩整天不停地尋找著﹐
然而早已化身成蜻蜓的男孩卻無時無刻不圍繞在她身邊﹐
只是他不會呼喊﹐不會擁抱﹐他只能默默地承受著她的視而不見。
夏天過去了﹐秋天的涼風吹落了樹葉﹐
蜻蜓不得不離開這裡。於是他最後一次飛落在女孩的肩上。
他想用自己的翅膀撫摸她的臉﹐用細小的嘴來親吻她的額頭﹐
然而他弱小的身體還是不足以被她發現。
轉眼間﹐春天來了﹐蜻蜓迫不及待地飛回來尋找自己的戀人。
然而﹐她那熟悉的身影旁站著一個高大而英俊的男人﹐
那一剎那﹐蜻蜓幾乎快從半空中墜落下來。
人們講起車禍後女孩病得多麼的嚴重﹐描述著那名男醫生有多麼的善良﹑可愛﹐
還描述著他們的愛情有多麼的理所當然﹐
當然也描述了女孩已經快樂如從前。
蜻蜓傷心極了﹐在接下來的幾天中﹐
他常常會看到那個男人帶著自己的戀人在海邊看日出﹐
晚上又在海邊看日落﹐
而他自己除了偶爾能停落在她的肩上以外﹐什麼也做不了。
這一年的夏天特別長﹐蜻蜓每天痛苦地低飛著﹐
他已經沒有勇氣接近自己昔日的戀人。
她和那男人之間的喃喃細語﹐他和她快樂的笑聲﹐都令他窒息。
第三年的夏天﹐蜻蜓已不再常常去看望自己的戀人了。
她的肩被男醫生輕擁著﹐臉被男醫生輕輕地吻著﹐
根本沒有時間去留意一隻傷心的蜻蜓﹐更沒有心情去懷唸過去。
上帝約定的三年期限很快就要到了。
就在最後一天﹐蜻蜓昔日的戀人跟那個男醫生舉行了婚禮。
蜻蜓悄悄地飛進教堂﹐落在上帝的肩膀上﹐
他聽到下面的戀人對上帝發誓說﹕我願意﹗
他看著那個男醫生把戒指戴到昔日戀人的手上﹐然後看著他們甜蜜地親吻著。
蜻蜓流下了傷心的淚水。上帝嘆息著﹕“你後悔了嗎﹖”
蜻蜓擦幹了眼淚﹕“沒有﹗”
上帝又帶著一絲愉悅說﹕“那麼﹐明天你就可以變回你自己了。”
蜻蜓搖了搖頭﹕“就讓我做一輩子蜻蜓吧……”
有些緣份是註定要失去的﹐有些緣份是永遠不會有好結果的。
愛一個人不一定要擁有﹐
但擁有一個人就一定要好好去愛他。你的肩上有蜻蜓嗎﹖
可是有一天﹐在一場車禍中﹐女孩不幸受了重傷﹐
她靜靜地躺在醫院的病床上﹐幾天幾夜都沒有醒過來。
白天﹐男孩就守在床前不停地呼喚毫無知覺的戀人﹔
晚上﹐他就跑到小城的教堂裡向上帝禱告﹐他已經哭幹了眼淚。
終於有一天﹐上帝被這個痴情的男孩感動了。
於是他決定給這個執著的男孩一個例外。
上帝問他﹕“你願意用自己的生命作為交換嗎﹖”
男孩毫不猶豫地回答﹕“我願意﹗”
上帝說﹕“那好吧﹐我可以讓你的戀人很快醒過來﹐
但你要答應化作三年的蜻蜓﹐你願意嗎﹖”
男孩聽了﹐還是堅定地回答道﹕“我願意﹗”
天亮了﹐男孩已經變成了一隻漂亮的蜻蜓﹐
他告別了上帝便匆匆地飛到了醫院。
女孩真的醒了﹐
而且她還在跟身旁的一位醫生交談著什麼﹐可惜他聽不到。
幾天後﹐女孩便康復出院了﹐但是她並不快樂。
她四處打聽著男孩的下落﹐但沒有人知道男孩究竟去了哪裡。
女孩整天不停地尋找著﹐
然而早已化身成蜻蜓的男孩卻無時無刻不圍繞在她身邊﹐
只是他不會呼喊﹐不會擁抱﹐他只能默默地承受著她的視而不見。
夏天過去了﹐秋天的涼風吹落了樹葉﹐
蜻蜓不得不離開這裡。於是他最後一次飛落在女孩的肩上。
他想用自己的翅膀撫摸她的臉﹐用細小的嘴來親吻她的額頭﹐
然而他弱小的身體還是不足以被她發現。
轉眼間﹐春天來了﹐蜻蜓迫不及待地飛回來尋找自己的戀人。
然而﹐她那熟悉的身影旁站著一個高大而英俊的男人﹐
那一剎那﹐蜻蜓幾乎快從半空中墜落下來。
人們講起車禍後女孩病得多麼的嚴重﹐描述著那名男醫生有多麼的善良﹑可愛﹐
還描述著他們的愛情有多麼的理所當然﹐
當然也描述了女孩已經快樂如從前。
蜻蜓傷心極了﹐在接下來的幾天中﹐
他常常會看到那個男人帶著自己的戀人在海邊看日出﹐
晚上又在海邊看日落﹐
而他自己除了偶爾能停落在她的肩上以外﹐什麼也做不了。
這一年的夏天特別長﹐蜻蜓每天痛苦地低飛著﹐
他已經沒有勇氣接近自己昔日的戀人。
她和那男人之間的喃喃細語﹐他和她快樂的笑聲﹐都令他窒息。
第三年的夏天﹐蜻蜓已不再常常去看望自己的戀人了。
她的肩被男醫生輕擁著﹐臉被男醫生輕輕地吻著﹐
根本沒有時間去留意一隻傷心的蜻蜓﹐更沒有心情去懷唸過去。
上帝約定的三年期限很快就要到了。
就在最後一天﹐蜻蜓昔日的戀人跟那個男醫生舉行了婚禮。
蜻蜓悄悄地飛進教堂﹐落在上帝的肩膀上﹐
他聽到下面的戀人對上帝發誓說﹕我願意﹗
他看著那個男醫生把戒指戴到昔日戀人的手上﹐然後看著他們甜蜜地親吻著。
蜻蜓流下了傷心的淚水。上帝嘆息著﹕“你後悔了嗎﹖”
蜻蜓擦幹了眼淚﹕“沒有﹗”
上帝又帶著一絲愉悅說﹕“那麼﹐明天你就可以變回你自己了。”
蜻蜓搖了搖頭﹕“就讓我做一輩子蜻蜓吧……”
有些緣份是註定要失去的﹐有些緣份是永遠不會有好結果的。
愛一個人不一定要擁有﹐
但擁有一個人就一定要好好去愛他。你的肩上有蜻蜓嗎﹖
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Re: Burn and Suffer
In the beginning...
I sense something is wrong in the first place...
I sense the wave will hit me...
Hitting me anguishly...
I was try to believe myself...
Believe myself... what i sense is erroneous...
But...when i saw the movement you apply...
Fire and flame blazing inside my heart...
Defensive mind set over my soul... my soul is burning...
It was exceed my limitation...
I can't confiscation any more...
I know the things will going wrong...
The only things is I am spectator to withness the worst objectionable behavior in love...
I saw selfish...greedy and jealousy...
I am lost in the way of myself... I am confuse...
Out of sudden..."Dare to change"
The word is set over the mind...
And i know... if i combine of circumstances at a given moment
Better let every one suffer... or just myself.
With two new shine and silver ring on my finger...
I know i need to over come this feeling...
I lost my concentration on the screen...
The only things is i wish i can capture all the momeries and hold it forever...
From the point of no return...
My heart suffer all the way to your locations...
Sustian the pain and sorrow...
Wish my time will over...
Seeing your shodow at the windows...
And i look upon the dark sky...
Lastly... Rain drop from the heaven...
But i only see the star shine on me...
I wish myself fade away... fade away slowly...
I sense something is wrong in the first place...
I sense the wave will hit me...
Hitting me anguishly...
I was try to believe myself...
Believe myself... what i sense is erroneous...
But...when i saw the movement you apply...
Fire and flame blazing inside my heart...
Defensive mind set over my soul... my soul is burning...
It was exceed my limitation...
I can't confiscation any more...
I know the things will going wrong...
The only things is I am spectator to withness the worst objectionable behavior in love...
I saw selfish...greedy and jealousy...
I am lost in the way of myself... I am confuse...
Out of sudden..."Dare to change"
The word is set over the mind...
And i know... if i combine of circumstances at a given moment
Better let every one suffer... or just myself.
With two new shine and silver ring on my finger...
I know i need to over come this feeling...
I lost my concentration on the screen...
The only things is i wish i can capture all the momeries and hold it forever...
From the point of no return...
My heart suffer all the way to your locations...
Sustian the pain and sorrow...
Wish my time will over...
Seeing your shodow at the windows...
And i look upon the dark sky...
Lastly... Rain drop from the heaven...
But i only see the star shine on me...
I wish myself fade away... fade away slowly...
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Re: Indefinite area
Finally...
Have a finest moment with her...
Appreciated what she did to me.. from my deepest of my heart.
I am enjoying my time and brief period with her.
I am impressed... Feel so good... Feel so sweet.
No other has done this to me before... and that is first time... the smooth temperament of my life.
I was often favorably and please above my enjoyment for that.
But some how... things may not come out with the expectation.
Maybe i was not good enought with her cos she still don't understand the way i am workout...
Maybe i was not good enought with her cos we still need time to be along...
Maybe we really need more time and existence to understand each other more...
I wish and Indeed myself to understand her more that i do...
The night... with the wind idioms to me... i never felt cold cos she is be with me.
The night... with the night cover me... i never feel darkness cos she is be with me.
Have a finest moment with her...
Appreciated what she did to me.. from my deepest of my heart.
I am enjoying my time and brief period with her.
I am impressed... Feel so good... Feel so sweet.
No other has done this to me before... and that is first time... the smooth temperament of my life.
I was often favorably and please above my enjoyment for that.
But some how... things may not come out with the expectation.
Maybe i was not good enought with her cos she still don't understand the way i am workout...
Maybe i was not good enought with her cos we still need time to be along...
Maybe we really need more time and existence to understand each other more...
I wish and Indeed myself to understand her more that i do...
The night... with the wind idioms to me... i never felt cold cos she is be with me.
The night... with the night cover me... i never feel darkness cos she is be with me.
From my heart and fondly in mind... truely... appreciated what she have give me.
p/s: Thank you very much :-)
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Re: Leave behind
Some how...
Indefinite boundaries within my time...
Particular moment within my soul...
She finally drifts away... away unhurriedly...
This circumstance come not easy... for me... that is mentally toughened...
Leave behind grieving feeling and body without soul and heart...
Always... i ask...
"Why you take my soul away... why you take my heart away...
What to do with my body without my soul and my heart?..."
"Why you want to leave me alone... leave me alone here?"
In some unspecified manner of time...
I walk over from darkness... past without stopping...
Just leave myself for moment...
I survived...
With the forlorn feeling around...
i am throughout the memories forever with her.
Remember the moment... remember the time...
Friday, February 24, 2006
Re: Taken Hope
Every step i have taken in my life is taken the hope of bringing myself closer to you...
But some how...
You always one step backward when i am getting my foot step get closer to you.
But some how...
You always one step backward when i am getting my foot step get closer to you.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Re: Worthless and Regert.
*This is a reproduction from some where elsa...
An Inflicting hardship in our love...
You say "I am sorry..."
A cause of distress in our love...
You say again... "I am sorry..."
A deep sadness anguish in our love...
You keep on saying... "I am sorry... I am so sorry... "
By means time...
You no need to say sorry... since you never doing wrong.
You no need to persist saying sorry... since you knowing what you going on.
You no need to in response saying sorry... since you are not be worthy of.
But... do you feel how sadly the way you making it off?
I can tell you...
How emotional wound and shock that it just creates substantial and lasting damage to the state of our love.
And i wouthlessly sence of the feeling in our underlying to one another.
I drop my hope and dream again...
An Inflicting hardship in our love...
You say "I am sorry..."
A cause of distress in our love...
You say again... "I am sorry..."
A deep sadness anguish in our love...
You keep on saying... "I am sorry... I am so sorry... "
By means time...
You no need to say sorry... since you never doing wrong.
You no need to persist saying sorry... since you knowing what you going on.
You no need to in response saying sorry... since you are not be worthy of.
But... do you feel how sadly the way you making it off?
I can tell you...
How emotional wound and shock that it just creates substantial and lasting damage to the state of our love.
And i wouthlessly sence of the feeling in our underlying to one another.
I drop my hope and dream again...
Monday, February 20, 2006
Re: Miss you
The other day...
I heard someone say...
"The more i see you the more i miss you...
The less i see you the less i miss you..."
And i wonder...
Another day...
I heard someone say... again...
"Love is not an investment..
Don't expect returns from it..
That is called unconditional love.."
I do agree...
but after i see the agent form your gene and habitual .
I start to lost my faith and being certain...
And i wonder...
I heard someone say...
"The more i see you the more i miss you...
The less i see you the less i miss you..."
And i wonder...
Another day...
I heard someone say... again...
"Love is not an investment..
Don't expect returns from it..
That is called unconditional love.."
I do agree...
but after i see the agent form your gene and habitual .
I start to lost my faith and being certain...
And i wonder...
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Re: "Hajiku Girl"
One day...
Two girl...
Yamada Megumi and Yamada Akane...
Walk in to my life...
Encounter unexpectedly and capture the moment that we have...
And left with the lovely smile behind...
I was impress with oneself in a specified way...
They can sense something, they have vague feeling and presentiment... they are good !
I name after them... "Sunappu Girl"
p/s: Photo of Yamada Akane.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Re: Bed Time Stroy - Part 02
Out of sudden,
Time has come…
Sun was surprised.
Now night is fall in…
Only can see the Sun and Star..
But Sun not bright as like normal… she so dim…
Dark night almost cover her completely.
Time ask…
“You come along or stay?”
Sun look at Star and confuse…
Star never say any word and keep on smiling to Sun.
Time ask again, Sun so confuse…
“She will stay…!” Moon appears in nowhere and tells.
Time was surprise and look at Moon… Sun do the same things…
Star saw Moon appear and quietly walk away…
Sun never realize moon away and keep on looking at Moon…
Time felt board and tell, “OK… I go…”
And Time disappears in nowhere.
Sun look at Moon…
But never realize Moon bring back Cloud and Cloud hide himself behind of Moon.
Night almost completely cover everything…
Now… only have little light can see Sun and Moon…
Because of the darkness…
Sun never see Cloud hide behind Moon and M\Sun ask…
“Why you are here?”
“We never saw each other for so long… why you appear so how?”
Moon just keeps himself quiet and keeps looking around…
Sudden…
Sun realize Star is disappear… Sun getting worry…
Sun just search around…
Because is too dark, Sun felt very hard to look for Star.
Sun felt so sad because Star just leaves her away like that…
And now Sun just feel loneliness again.
“Don’t feel sad… she will be back soon.” Moon says…
Sun felt moody and not even look at Moon…
Sun setting herself alone and face to another side.
Moon knows Sun is not in the mood and just standing there and keep looking at Sun.
Cloud saw everything…
But Cloud keeps hiding behind Moon.
Cloud pulls and gives Moon a signal to from behind to tell Moon keep quiet.
Moon just gives Cloud an eye and never cares about…
But Moon never takes any action.
Time has come…
Sun was surprised.
Now night is fall in…
Only can see the Sun and Star..
But Sun not bright as like normal… she so dim…
Dark night almost cover her completely.
Time ask…
“You come along or stay?”
Sun look at Star and confuse…
Star never say any word and keep on smiling to Sun.
Time ask again, Sun so confuse…
“She will stay…!” Moon appears in nowhere and tells.
Time was surprise and look at Moon… Sun do the same things…
Star saw Moon appear and quietly walk away…
Sun never realize moon away and keep on looking at Moon…
Time felt board and tell, “OK… I go…”
And Time disappears in nowhere.
Sun look at Moon…
But never realize Moon bring back Cloud and Cloud hide himself behind of Moon.
Night almost completely cover everything…
Now… only have little light can see Sun and Moon…
Because of the darkness…
Sun never see Cloud hide behind Moon and M\Sun ask…
“Why you are here?”
“We never saw each other for so long… why you appear so how?”
Moon just keeps himself quiet and keeps looking around…
Sudden…
Sun realize Star is disappear… Sun getting worry…
Sun just search around…
Because is too dark, Sun felt very hard to look for Star.
Sun felt so sad because Star just leaves her away like that…
And now Sun just feel loneliness again.
“Don’t feel sad… she will be back soon.” Moon says…
Sun felt moody and not even look at Moon…
Sun setting herself alone and face to another side.
Moon knows Sun is not in the mood and just standing there and keep looking at Sun.
Cloud saw everything…
But Cloud keeps hiding behind Moon.
Cloud pulls and gives Moon a signal to from behind to tell Moon keep quiet.
Moon just gives Cloud an eye and never cares about…
But Moon never takes any action.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Re: Bed Time Stroy - Part 01
Look upon to the sky...
Sun decide to get a rest. waiting at the hill side,
wait for the Time...
Time never come but Rain do...
Rain run away Cloud and stay...
Cloud cry... cry for himself... sadly...
and Cloud slowly fade away.
Sun realize and confuse...
look at Rain...
Rain felt sin and splash away...
leave only messy feeling.
Sun felt down and still waiting near by hill side,
Time still never come... just leave Sun waiting alone.
Sun still waiting alone...Time never show up...
Sky now getting darker...Sun getting worry...
Sun saw Wind walk by and Sun ask to stay and company...
Wind refuse and walk away...
Sun felt lonely and sad.
When still keep on waiting...
Sun saw Star appear...
Again... Sun ask Star stay for company...
Star just look at Sun and smile to tell...
"You always never realize...
I am always by your side...
No matter where you go...
Wind... Cloud or Rain...
Just can't compare with me...
They only can company with Earth and be with Earth...
Earth just near to you and they too...
But for me...
I always around with you and be with you...
and you just never realize..."
Sun just look at Star, Star keep smile with Sun...
Sun just felt touch...
Sun decide to get a rest. waiting at the hill side,
wait for the Time...
Time never come but Rain do...
Rain run away Cloud and stay...
Cloud cry... cry for himself... sadly...
and Cloud slowly fade away.
Sun realize and confuse...
look at Rain...
Rain felt sin and splash away...
leave only messy feeling.
Sun felt down and still waiting near by hill side,
Time still never come... just leave Sun waiting alone.
Sun still waiting alone...Time never show up...
Sky now getting darker...Sun getting worry...
Sun saw Wind walk by and Sun ask to stay and company...
Wind refuse and walk away...
Sun felt lonely and sad.
When still keep on waiting...
Sun saw Star appear...
Again... Sun ask Star stay for company...
Star just look at Sun and smile to tell...
"You always never realize...
I am always by your side...
No matter where you go...
Wind... Cloud or Rain...
Just can't compare with me...
They only can company with Earth and be with Earth...
Earth just near to you and they too...
But for me...
I always around with you and be with you...
and you just never realize..."
Sun just look at Star, Star keep smile with Sun...
Sun just felt touch...
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Re: Learn how to forget and forgive.
With you...
I learn something...
That is not always need to blame someone or myself...
I should learn how to forgive and forget...
Whatever it had to be...
It should be gone.. leaving the footstep henind...
Just let it be...
Time will tell... and i will realize.
*sign* to some one i love... and myself.
I learn something...
That is not always need to blame someone or myself...
I should learn how to forgive and forget...
Whatever it had to be...
It should be gone.. leaving the footstep henind...
Just let it be...
Time will tell... and i will realize.
*sign* to some one i love... and myself.
Re: January First
Touch down in town around 12noon,
The sky look an achromatic color of any lightness between the blue and white...
Rain keep falling down.
Feel sad for this moment...
Feel depressing since the things happen...
Why everything just turn to be like that...
I just ask myself so many times before...
I still don't have any answer for myself.
I do believe, confident belief in the truth... but am i really need to suffer like that?
Yesterday night... everyone seem so happy that maybe dua to the observe with ceremonies of respect, festivity and rejoicing... the newly day come over.
but not with me...
Today... everyone still remain in the same prolonged period.. joyful... the new day has started.
Still... not wiht me...
Wonder around in town almost half a day... waiting some one who show up with love... long period.
last... reunion...
*sign* Happy New Year...
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