Re: Longest hour in my life

Morning...

9:00 am...

Walk in side to the room...
Saw her sitting in the most front side of the room...
Beside her no body around... she still look the same from behind...
Never change...

Walk over and saw her look up and smile at me...
Myself just think...
Isn't she think i am is another person and she react wrongly?
Nothing to say... just look at her for that moment...

Sitting myself next to her...
Not much to talk... just ask where is the lawyer...
She just smile and answer me softly... Lawyer is out for moment...
And never say anything more...

I ask...
Where is your mum? Are you come alone...
She just keep herself quiet and look to another side...
Waitig for a quite moment... heard her say she is alone with the answer...

So far she don't dare to look at me in single moment at all...
Why?...
Why? you still need to do this to me and yourself?
Isn't with this 8 months is not enought for us?
Until this step you still need to be like that?

I just never ask and keep myself look at her...

10:00am...

Waiting for our turn for the court hearing...
I just keep my head down cos sad memories keep on flash back from my mind...
Seeing her crying and away from me...
No matter how hard i try...
She still let her family member ack as a wall between us...

I am suffer and sadness from that moment...
Never saw her gaving me a single chance...
For herself and me...

Now...
Sitting beside her...
The sadness coming back to me... I just keep myself and don't let my tears drop out...
Rememebr back all the sorrow with me...
I am so suffer... i am so sick of lonelyness...
Crying for sadness and for her...

What i get after all... i just wonder myself...

During this moment... just wish to turn myself to her and ask....
How is everything going on with you...
I have so many question need to ask her...
Just wish to have a talk with her...

But i don't dare... i don't dare to do so...
I scare myself will get hurt and the pain...
I just don't dare to move...
I just keep myself sitting next to her... just next to her...

11:00am...

Few times...
I turn to her... Saw her just keep pretend to look at some other place...
She konws i look at her... she just pretend...
Feel myself want to talk to her...
But the word just reach to my mouth...
And don't feel to ask any single things...

Last...
I saw her yawning...
I ask... "feel tired?"
She just pretend never listen what i say...
Keep herself quiet...

I feel myself at that moment...
So sick of her reaction...
Why? Why you need to do like that?
I just can't feel myself any more...

I keep myself quiet for few moment...
I ask again...
"this morning you just back to Ipoh?"...
Again...

She do the same reaction....

I was totally hopeless....
Hopeless for myself why i try so hard to approach and she just be like that...
I never blame and censure her...
I just feel myself total lost about the space between me and her...

Even i just sit beside her for more that 2 hour from the morning...

We use to a couple and lover...
Now we just total apart from each other...
Not even a single simple word can link us up together...
Not any more...

11:30am...
Finally... is our turn to be judged...
Judge by some other people...
Judge by herself for some reason...

Within three month...
We are officially be apart...
Be apart forever and so on...
No other interlink will link us together...

We seem like never know or meet each other before...
We seem like never fall in love for all...

We are totally will out from our mind...
Forever be gone...

Isn't this she need and wants?

I really don't wish to know any more...

When we walk out from the high court...
Saw her walk so fast and away from me...
My eyes keep on look at her...
Looking at her back... and out from my vision...

My heart feel like torn out...
But no tears drop from the heart...

11:45am...

Walk myself back to the car...
I can't feel myself at all...
Feel relief or feel sadness...
I really dont know...

Sitting back in the car...
Saw BK send me the sms and ask...
"How is everthing?...."
My tears start to drop out and can't control myself any more...

I keep on crying and crying...
My tears stain on my sun glass...
Blur out my vision and myself...
I just can't help myself for the moment...

I not cry for sadness or sorrow...
I not cry for her...
I not even cry for myself...
I just wish to cry... everything is forever from this moment...

My true love...
My marriage...
My sorrow...
My sadness...

Just mark another cheapter in my life...

Last...

I glad myself still have the final moment with her...
Sitting beside her for two and half hour...
Even we never say more that 5 word or something...
I really glad.... maybe that is the last things i can really do for her...

"Dear dear... (please allow me call you the last time as dear dear i use to call you...)
Thank you very much for everthing...
Even i cannot promise or do anything to you any more...
No matter good or bad...
You just be into my heart once for all...

Thank you for everthing from my bottom of my heart...

Please take a good care for yourself....

Last for the momeries... for all! "

With love...
Astley Wong