Re: ANL "PET" Team

Lately... Just finish all the "stupid" training and have a very very short time off from "Hell" week...

Just wish to give myself a moment and refresh... and you know what... Fall ill and have two days MC.

Sad !!... :-(

Join in ANL almost over 6 months... Life getting busy like hell after take over the training dept... "PET" team... but i really enjoy the life and work as hard as i can...

Here, Mahathir and Eka really is my "right and left" hand man and women.. able to help out all the team member and the progress in the team. Well done! Guys !! :-)

Without Mahathir... PET really not going so smooth as i plan... he able to take the task and under extreme pressure... but some how i can see he is tired over the work as well.

Eka... She always make a "big" movement once she have little pressure over her work... "-) but she also is a girl who i see the most... able to do the task within the time frame. i am really glad with she around. :-)

Mahathir and Eka... Please... Hang on with this moment ! Always remember.. Better things will come our way and the reward i can let you know is... the most sweetest things in the world ! :-)

Final word for you all... the substace behind the task... containing the essential and passion over the heart. just wait... Now time is just appear and start to be our side... remember always... "better always come our way!" :-)

Believe me...I NEVER let my team mate down once for all.

p/s : Thanks for you two to help the team ! :-)

Re: Life In.. Life Out...

Life In... Life Out...
That's is every day matter over the time...

Things will never be the same again once you dare the step out the first step for yourself...
Don't look back.. Our pass is memories...
Look forward... Make the first wave for yourself...

Your have the right to have the joy of your life again...
Is the matter how you have it or own it...

I always told myself....

"I am walk from the darkness.. pass over all the sadness and settle over here...
I will give myself a moment... give myself the time to make the first wave...
And now... i only wait and see... let the time tell everyone about my story...
Holding my hand and walk over it... everythng will never be the same again..."

p/s : Happy to see you again :-)

Re: Dark Side of My World

Finally...
April is over...

Hope will have a new life for more...
And just wish to keep myself quite and wait for the moment to come...

Just wait... and I only can just wait...

Re: A word from you...

You say...

A daily thought, a silent tear, a constant wish that you are near.
Words are few but thoughts are deep, memories of our love i always keep...

I say...

When night fall, wish you here, a gentle touch that i am your dear.
Love may fade but heart is true, emotions will keep forever i do...

Re: Windmill

Windmill, Windmill for the land.
Learn forever hand in hand
Take it all in on your stride
It is sticking, falling down
Love forever love is free
Let’s turn forever you and me
Windmill, windmill for the land
Is everybody in?...

Re: Birthday

As i mention before...
My birthday is the day which i remember my mohter who love me so much...
Nothing elsa but her as the reason.

Last night... celebrating Mr. Mahathir birthday...
Gounp of friends... really enjoy the moment during the dinner.

Surprisingly the group also giving me a birthday gift before my day is coming.
Feel very touch with the birthday card... Who write down the note over there...
Special Mahathir and Jean... Thanks a lot! :-)

Another person need to thanks is Baby K...
Who giving me support during the wave hit over me... and the first birthday gift she giving to me..
Baby K... Thanks a lot for your support. :-)

Looking back to the footstep i walk over before...
Helping Mahathir, Jean, Zuri and every one which i meet in ANL...
I never expect to have any return from... but just a heart to help some one...

With the birthday card write up...

Mahathir bring me the sense of friendship...
Work together... Died together... Band of Brother...

Jean bring me back the joyful of life...
Knowing what i am doing right now... Prepare the rest of my day. :-)

Joey...
Even Joey never write anything in the card...
But with her heart and support...
Life is another day for me to look for...

Nothing to say...
But wish to share something from me to you all...

"Holding hand together... We can walk over million mile...
I will give my courage and embolden to you... until the end of my time.
We are band of brother... We live with our memories."

Re: Longest hour in my life

Morning...

9:00 am...

Walk in side to the room...
Saw her sitting in the most front side of the room...
Beside her no body around... she still look the same from behind...
Never change...

Walk over and saw her look up and smile at me...
Myself just think...
Isn't she think i am is another person and she react wrongly?
Nothing to say... just look at her for that moment...

Sitting myself next to her...
Not much to talk... just ask where is the lawyer...
She just smile and answer me softly... Lawyer is out for moment...
And never say anything more...

I ask...
Where is your mum? Are you come alone...
She just keep herself quiet and look to another side...
Waitig for a quite moment... heard her say she is alone with the answer...

So far she don't dare to look at me in single moment at all...
Why?...
Why? you still need to do this to me and yourself?
Isn't with this 8 months is not enought for us?
Until this step you still need to be like that?

I just never ask and keep myself look at her...

10:00am...

Waiting for our turn for the court hearing...
I just keep my head down cos sad memories keep on flash back from my mind...
Seeing her crying and away from me...
No matter how hard i try...
She still let her family member ack as a wall between us...

I am suffer and sadness from that moment...
Never saw her gaving me a single chance...
For herself and me...

Now...
Sitting beside her...
The sadness coming back to me... I just keep myself and don't let my tears drop out...
Rememebr back all the sorrow with me...
I am so suffer... i am so sick of lonelyness...
Crying for sadness and for her...

What i get after all... i just wonder myself...

During this moment... just wish to turn myself to her and ask....
How is everything going on with you...
I have so many question need to ask her...
Just wish to have a talk with her...

But i don't dare... i don't dare to do so...
I scare myself will get hurt and the pain...
I just don't dare to move...
I just keep myself sitting next to her... just next to her...

11:00am...

Few times...
I turn to her... Saw her just keep pretend to look at some other place...
She konws i look at her... she just pretend...
Feel myself want to talk to her...
But the word just reach to my mouth...
And don't feel to ask any single things...

Last...
I saw her yawning...
I ask... "feel tired?"
She just pretend never listen what i say...
Keep herself quiet...

I feel myself at that moment...
So sick of her reaction...
Why? Why you need to do like that?
I just can't feel myself any more...

I keep myself quiet for few moment...
I ask again...
"this morning you just back to Ipoh?"...
Again...

She do the same reaction....

I was totally hopeless....
Hopeless for myself why i try so hard to approach and she just be like that...
I never blame and censure her...
I just feel myself total lost about the space between me and her...

Even i just sit beside her for more that 2 hour from the morning...

We use to a couple and lover...
Now we just total apart from each other...
Not even a single simple word can link us up together...
Not any more...

11:30am...
Finally... is our turn to be judged...
Judge by some other people...
Judge by herself for some reason...

Within three month...
We are officially be apart...
Be apart forever and so on...
No other interlink will link us together...

We seem like never know or meet each other before...
We seem like never fall in love for all...

We are totally will out from our mind...
Forever be gone...

Isn't this she need and wants?

I really don't wish to know any more...

When we walk out from the high court...
Saw her walk so fast and away from me...
My eyes keep on look at her...
Looking at her back... and out from my vision...

My heart feel like torn out...
But no tears drop from the heart...

11:45am...

Walk myself back to the car...
I can't feel myself at all...
Feel relief or feel sadness...
I really dont know...

Sitting back in the car...
Saw BK send me the sms and ask...
"How is everthing?...."
My tears start to drop out and can't control myself any more...

I keep on crying and crying...
My tears stain on my sun glass...
Blur out my vision and myself...
I just can't help myself for the moment...

I not cry for sadness or sorrow...
I not cry for her...
I not even cry for myself...
I just wish to cry... everything is forever from this moment...

My true love...
My marriage...
My sorrow...
My sadness...

Just mark another cheapter in my life...

Last...

I glad myself still have the final moment with her...
Sitting beside her for two and half hour...
Even we never say more that 5 word or something...
I really glad.... maybe that is the last things i can really do for her...

"Dear dear... (please allow me call you the last time as dear dear i use to call you...)
Thank you very much for everthing...
Even i cannot promise or do anything to you any more...
No matter good or bad...
You just be into my heart once for all...

Thank you for everthing from my bottom of my heart...

Please take a good care for yourself....

Last for the momeries... for all! "

With love...
Astley Wong

Re: APRIL

April

Month of Mellow... Month of Sorrow...

I use to like the name of "April" since my younger day.
I was born in month of "April"... My birthday is fall within the month..
Feel happy and i can celebrate my day...

April make me feel so warm and gracious...

Some how...
April become the month of sorrow to me forever...

Mum pass away in my day... leaving behind the cherish memories and forever love in the deep side of my heart.

Feel lost when she leave me alone druing the year 2004...
At that moment.. i am lost myself once...

I was promise myself... i am no longer to celebrate my day any more cos that is the day is to remember her love to me... I will going back and be with her for a small gethering when the day is come...

I am just miss her so much...

This year...
Before April step in...
In 30/03...

First wave of my sorrow has been badly hit over to me...
Leave me alone and cry for sadness...

Remember her all the moment and until now... still cannot accept the fact.
Even i am no longer have her in my heart... but feel sorrow for myself she leave me alone over here...

I am also feel sorry to my mum... her son was suffer the sadness and tolerate so much of pain over the time...
Even until right of this moment...

Mum... I am sorry and make you worry about me... please forgive me...

Second wave also already hit over me... as predicted...
The memories of her...
Leaving her forever with the acknowledgement from some one...
With the admit from herself? or with some one elsa? I really dont know...

Feel that i really cannot do anything...
Feel so helpless with her...
Feel sadness within my heart...

Thrid wave will hit over me soon...
On the day before Easter...
Who remember by Christians in commemoration of the crucifixion of Jesus...

For me... the day will be forever leave behind of my matrimony...
Left a stain and smudge mark within my heart...
Sorrow and sadness which i am suffer for so long...
No one care about how i am been leave alone and lonely over here...

The last... and the fourth wave will expect appearance in my day...
Some how really don't have any idea what will happen...
And now... really don't wish to know...
Just wish to keep myself ready to face the fact.

Lots of people say to me...
"Astley... you looks so tired..."
"Please take a good rest.."
"Please take care yourself..."

I only can smile for return... don't feel to say anything about.

Regardless of any extenuating circumstances...
I will try to stay on until last of the moment...
Or i should say... Will i make myself over the month of April?

April by this year...
Sorrow and Sadness will forever hit with me...
Leave me all alone in the way...
Leave me suffer the pain of sorrow...

Last.. i just wish to tell my mum..

Mum.. I am sorry... Kheong make you worry about...
Please forgive me...

Re: 30th March

30th March...
Longest day for my life...

Ya... really have a very long day since 2003
Feel impatient... lonely... and sadness...

Really feel tired for so long... even at now...
Sadness was sounding my heart everytime i remember every single step for her and myself...

Cannot wipe out from my old memories.
Stain and tarnish deep down of my heart.

Painful...
Disease...
Torment...
Disorder...
Anguish...

So hard to be a live... so hard to be stand alone...

Try so hard to forget and forgive...
Try so hard to to fade out myself...
Try so hard to be normal...
Try so hard to accept everthing...

Really try so hard for myself...

With the memories... i dedicate this song for her.
Just wish to telling her...
How is my feeling.. from the pass... now... and future...

I had told myself long time ago...
The moment is over... will never come back any more...
Once is over... will never never come back to you...
Never...


"二零零五年..
我们因误会且分散..

我欠你,且我不想归还..

我的内心充满想念你和愁怅..
还有你流泪伤心的模样..

我的过份,伤你伤到好凄凉..
欲成为我一生中遗憾..

寂寞心酸，它己成为我的难..
它是我心灵上的悲伤...

和你六年半,我己熟悉你的模样...

你欠我,我从没有要你还..

我的朋友都说, 我累的不像样..
遗憾是没有你陪我身旁..

你的优伤, 让我走得好缓慢..
终有一天要和我分散..

你的优伤, 对我沉重的创伤...
留下什么东西也不管.

你的优伤, 让我走得好缓慢...
终有一天要和我分散..

你的优伤, 对我沉重的创伤,
留下什么东西也不管...

为什么留下我不管?...

为什么留下我不管?..."

To someone who is not the last...
But... just for the pass.

Re: Human Firewall

Barrier...

Fire proof wall between two people...
Blocking all the human communication between time...
Blocking all the man kind sense and touch between grasp...

Why...?
Ask yourself why?
No one know why and what is the answer...

Even the one who had be mention "Mighty" by himself...
Sure he also dont know how to answer this question...

As last... I know what is going on over here...
Just me and myself... Sense the matter and hold down forever.

Re: Our Love

Time has come.
Time pass by....

Time make love sweet and suffer.
When nonspatial continuum occur between the two people...

Past and Present.
Apprenticeship within your soul, mind, heart and love...

Heart with sympathy.
In love with you indefinite of period in my life...

I am glad...
Knowing you in the first place and fall in love with you.

Dear...
Thank you for everything.

Re: Morning Sun

Morning Sun...
Shine over my eyes and make me hard to see...
Using my hand and block over the ray...
Thin light slip over...

Drop shodow within my eye...
Drop shaft of light within your smile...

Feel so warm.

You mention before time...

"Your life's end and the number of your days...
Let you know how fleeting is your life."

" I had make your days a mere handbreadth..
The span of your years is as nothing before me...
Each man's life is but a breath."

"Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and from..
Man bustles about, but only in vain...
Man heaps up wealth,not knowing who will get it..."

"But now,what do you look for?...
Your hope is in me..."

I am impress... heart warming...

I mark a sign over back to time...

"With you... you are my world.
With you... you are my love."

"Love with you... is another chapter of my life.
Life with you... is the final episode of myself."

Re: Because Of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
you felt so hard I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing!

Because of you...
Because of you...

Re: Glad

From the moment i am meet you...

I glad you are here for me...

You are there when i need...
You are there when i want...
You are there when i am feel tired...

I so glad you are there for me every moment...

So sorry i have a over come moment with me now...
And some how... make you feel sadness when you be with me...

I am sorry about that...
If i had giving you this feeling...

Dear... Please forgive me.

Re: Back to Similar

In the same way...
She seem to be back to similar...

What so...

Everything seem never change...
Just look like yesterday... day before yesterday...

In session...
just my own sin and myself scream and fill in the room...
Expact no return... and no penance.

Last... Sun will shine...
Will it be you? or me?...

We the meek all in one...
I sad.. I cry...

I cry out to God... I cry out to no one...
Seeking only the decision

And i create my own room...
Or you can say i create my own prison.

Re:Last Breath

Please come now... I think I’m falling...
I’m holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere...
And I’m trying to escape

I yelled back when I heard thunder
I yelled back when i heard myself...

But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say...
Let me say...

Hold me now...
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking...

That maybe six feet
Ain’t so far downI’m looking down now that it’s over

Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere...

Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But no one seem be listne what i say...

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there’s something left for me
So please come stay with me

Cause I still believe there’s something left for you and me
Just for you and me

Re: 蜻蜓

那是一個非常寧靜而美麗的小城﹐有一對非常恩愛的戀人﹐
可是有一天﹐在一場車禍中﹐女孩不幸受了重傷﹐
她靜靜地躺在醫院的病床上﹐幾天幾夜都沒有醒過來。

白天﹐男孩就守在床前不停地呼喚毫無知覺的戀人﹔
晚上﹐他就跑到小城的教堂裡向上帝禱告﹐他已經哭幹了眼淚。 　　

終於有一天﹐上帝被這個痴情的男孩感動了。
於是他決定給這個執著的男孩一個例外。
上帝問他﹕“你願意用自己的生命作為交換嗎﹖”
男孩毫不猶豫地回答﹕“我願意﹗”
上帝說﹕“那好吧﹐我可以讓你的戀人很快醒過來﹐
但你要答應化作三年的蜻蜓﹐你願意嗎﹖”
男孩聽了﹐還是堅定地回答道﹕“我願意﹗” 　　

天亮了﹐男孩已經變成了一隻漂亮的蜻蜓﹐
他告別了上帝便匆匆地飛到了醫院。
女孩真的醒了﹐
而且她還在跟身旁的一位醫生交談著什麼﹐可惜他聽不到。 　　

幾天後﹐女孩便康復出院了﹐但是她並不快樂。
她四處打聽著男孩的下落﹐但沒有人知道男孩究竟去了哪裡。
女孩整天不停地尋找著﹐
然而早已化身成蜻蜓的男孩卻無時無刻不圍繞在她身邊﹐
只是他不會呼喊﹐不會擁抱﹐他只能默默地承受著她的視而不見。

夏天過去了﹐秋天的涼風吹落了樹葉﹐
蜻蜓不得不離開這裡。於是他最後一次飛落在女孩的肩上。

他想用自己的翅膀撫摸她的臉﹐用細小的嘴來親吻她的額頭﹐
然而他弱小的身體還是不足以被她發現。 　　

轉眼間﹐春天來了﹐蜻蜓迫不及待地飛回來尋找自己的戀人。
然而﹐她那熟悉的身影旁站著一個高大而英俊的男人﹐
那一剎那﹐蜻蜓幾乎快從半空中墜落下來。
人們講起車禍後女孩病得多麼的嚴重﹐描述著那名男醫生有多麼的善良﹑可愛﹐
還描述著他們的愛情有多麼的理所當然﹐
當然也描述了女孩已經快樂如從前。 　　

蜻蜓傷心極了﹐在接下來的幾天中﹐
他常常會看到那個男人帶著自己的戀人在海邊看日出﹐
晚上又在海邊看日落﹐
而他自己除了偶爾能停落在她的肩上以外﹐什麼也做不了。 　　

這一年的夏天特別長﹐蜻蜓每天痛苦地低飛著﹐
他已經沒有勇氣接近自己昔日的戀人。
她和那男人之間的喃喃細語﹐他和她快樂的笑聲﹐都令他窒息。 　　

第三年的夏天﹐蜻蜓已不再常常去看望自己的戀人了。
她的肩被男醫生輕擁著﹐臉被男醫生輕輕地吻著﹐
根本沒有時間去留意一隻傷心的蜻蜓﹐更沒有心情去懷唸過去。 　　

上帝約定的三年期限很快就要到了。
就在最後一天﹐蜻蜓昔日的戀人跟那個男醫生舉行了婚禮。
蜻蜓悄悄地飛進教堂﹐落在上帝的肩膀上﹐
他聽到下面的戀人對上帝發誓說﹕我願意﹗
他看著那個男醫生把戒指戴到昔日戀人的手上﹐然後看著他們甜蜜地親吻著。

蜻蜓流下了傷心的淚水。上帝嘆息著﹕“你後悔了嗎﹖”
蜻蜓擦幹了眼淚﹕“沒有﹗”
上帝又帶著一絲愉悅說﹕“那麼﹐明天你就可以變回你自己了。”
蜻蜓搖了搖頭﹕“就讓我做一輩子蜻蜓吧……” 　　
有些緣份是註定要失去的﹐有些緣份是永遠不會有好結果的。
愛一個人不一定要擁有﹐
但擁有一個人就一定要好好去愛他。你的肩上有蜻蜓嗎﹖

Re: Burn and Suffer

In the beginning...
I sense something is wrong in the first place...
I sense the wave will hit me...
Hitting me anguishly...

I was try to believe myself...
Believe myself... what i sense is erroneous...
But...when i saw the movement you apply...
Fire and flame blazing inside my heart...

Defensive mind set over my soul... my soul is burning...

It was exceed my limitation...
I can't confiscation any more...
I know the things will going wrong...
The only things is I am spectator to withness the worst objectionable behavior in love...

I saw selfish...greedy and jealousy...

I am lost in the way of myself... I am confuse...

Out of sudden..."Dare to change"
The word is set over the mind...
And i know... if i combine of circumstances at a given moment
Better let every one suffer... or just myself.

With two new shine and silver ring on my finger...
I know i need to over come this feeling...
I lost my concentration on the screen...
The only things is i wish i can capture all the momeries and hold it forever...

From the point of no return...
My heart suffer all the way to your locations...
Sustian the pain and sorrow...
Wish my time will over...

Seeing your shodow at the windows...
And i look upon the dark sky...
Lastly... Rain drop from the heaven...
But i only see the star shine on me...

I wish myself fade away... fade away slowly...

Re: Indefinite area

Finally...

Have a finest moment with her...
Appreciated what she did to me.. from my deepest of my heart.

I am enjoying my time and brief period with her.
I am impressed... Feel so good... Feel so sweet.

No other has done this to me before... and that is first time... the smooth temperament of my life.
I was often favorably and please above my enjoyment for that.

But some how... things may not come out with the expectation.

Maybe i was not good enought with her cos she still don't understand the way i am workout...
Maybe i was not good enought with her cos we still need time to be along...

Maybe we really need more time and existence to understand each other more...
I wish and Indeed myself to understand her more that i do...

The night... with the wind idioms to me... i never felt cold cos she is be with me.
The night... with the night cover me... i never feel darkness cos she is be with me.

From my heart and fondly in mind... truely... appreciated what she have give me.

p/s: Thank you very much :-)

Re: Leave behind

Some how...

Indefinite boundaries within my time...
Particular moment within my soul...

She finally drifts away... away unhurriedly...
This circumstance come not easy... for me... that is mentally toughened...
Leave behind grieving feeling and body without soul and heart...

Always... i ask...

"Why you take my soul away... why you take my heart away...
What to do with my body without my soul and my heart?..."

"Why you want to leave me alone... leave me alone here?"

In some unspecified manner of time...
I walk over from darkness... past without stopping...
Just leave myself for moment...

I survived...

With the forlorn feeling around...
i am throughout the memories forever with her.

Remember the moment... remember the time...